S8 E25 Milestone

S8 E25 Milestone

Well 7 year ago or so...me & my gay was gittin dronk & thot it be funny to go out to the tool shed and bitch bout shit....now like 500 vids later (including 250 HISIs)....here we is!!! thanky to all my longtime & new DBs.
S8 E24 Shameless

S8 E24 Shameless

Fokes been tryna git me to warch this show forever & sumbitch I'm so glad I finely lissent! Diss show da friggin BOMB!
S8 E23 The Bachelor

S8 E23 The Bachelor

Fuck whoever gittin that rose, this fake show nuttin but a thorn in our TV viewin eyes iffin u ask my opinunation!
S8 E22 Puerto Rico

S8 E22 Puerto Rico

Ignert Rednecks what thank Porta Ricans aint' real Americans, Lojenk here to remind u whats whuuuuuut!
S8 E21 Hurricane Season

S8 E21 Hurricane Season

As i sed long ago, hurricanes used ta be my favoritest drank in my favorites city, & purty soon, Nawlins gonna look like the lost city Lantis!
S8 E20 The Alt-Right

S8 E20 The Alt-Right

Geez peez deez white power mufuckas needa be taken down a peg or 20. We needa start kickin they ass back like in the world war times, am i rites?
S8 E19 Sologamy

S8 E19 Sologamy

Y'all herd these sad ass mofos marrying theyselfs? Lawd, what the world comin' to?!? Prolly cause they homely & cant git lade. what y'all think?
S8 E18 Stress

S8 E18 Stress

Y'all been askin' me how i handle this stressful world so here my whatever step program for how i deel w/ drama!
S8 E17 The Wall

S8 E17 The Wall

Now that ol Trumpler wanna doom the earth to globul warnins it time to smackdown this bullshit wall talk . I AINT PAYIN FAR IT!!!
S8 E16 Healthcare

S8 E16 Healthcare

Law, y'all better git to the docker quick cause soon as u do, evertahng u got gonna be persisting comdishun....yay white rich Mercuh gonna let all the poor colored folk die off cause it the only way they can maintame their control! Buncha idgits...

S8 E15 Marriage

S8 E15 Marriage

S8 E14 War On Drugs

S8 E14 War On Drugs

S8 E13 Positive Thinking

S8 E13 Positive Thinking

S8 E12 Protesting

S8 E12 Protesting

S8 E11 Teachers

S8 E11 Teachers

S8 E10 Butt Chugging

S8 E10 Butt Chugging

Im worried y'all....buttchuggin is a shitty way to go.... stop disrespeckin beer by funneling up ur shitter kiddos!!!!
S8 E9 War On Christmas

S8 E9 War On Christmas

Im bout sick ta deaf on this War on Christmas Shiz y'all, so here ur weekly bichins - Happy HollerdayS EVERBODY, no matter what ur baleefs..
S8 E8 Slut Shaming

S8 E8 Slut Shaming

We sexy foke is hard of being margilized jest cause we in touch with our rogenuss zones & like sex, don't be jello....go git lade, you'll chill dafuq out maybe, k?
S8 E7 Youtube

S8 E7 Youtube

Im done bein Youtube/s bitch...they aint gonna have LoJenk to push round soon as i got my OWN site!!!
S8 E6 Gilmore Girls

S8 E6 Gilmore Girls

Make funall u want, but i fukkin LUV me sum Gilmore Gals...soze i hope all mutual fans preshiate this vidyo! Time to travel to Star Holler!!! RIP PAPPY GILMORE!!!
S8 E5 Stranger Things

S8 E5 Stranger Things

Loretta spent this last Halloween binge-warchin Netflix's STRANGER THINGS while trippin'....this was the result.
S8 E4 Election 2016

S8 E4 Election 2016

Loretta breaks down the recent fucktardedness that was the presidential election. Git ready for 4 MORE YEARS of Bitchin!!!!
S8 E3 Rocky Horror Picture Show

S8 E3 Rocky Horror Picture Show

I finely git round to warchin & reviewing that Fox debockle...rocky horror reboot, stop fukkin w/ my favs ya dipshits!.
S8 E2 Brock Turner

S8 E2 Brock Turner

Y'all heard this rapist what only got 3 months in jail when he got caught red handed? or Red-Dicked? That shit piss me off so i hadda bitch on it....agin.
S8 E1 Vacations

S8 E1 Vacations

SO yah, the Facebook try & take me down agin, but like herpes...Lo Jenk is back to lern y'all why its important to plug off the internets ever now & then.
S7 E25 Summer Olympics

S7 E25 Summer Olympics

Here's my long waited/ finale show!!! case u mist the Limpics, all u gotta warch is Me!
S7 E24 Pride

S7 E24 Pride

Wiff everything going on late, I took some ME time 2 refleck but i wanted to git the LAST WORD in on pride. Have it EVERY FUCKIN DAY OF THE YEAR DBs!!!!!!
S7 E23 Cancer

S7 E23 Cancer

Diss speshul moshunal episode go out to my DB sister, not dat shitstane remnants of the gene pool in ar family...fuck her. & fuck cancer.
S7 E22 Presidential Primaries

S7 E22 Presidential Primaries

Man Im sure as shit glad this leckshun season dun moved on so we can all rally round hind the Trump Train & push it off in a gorge sumwhars. hate the fucker.
S7 E21 Meth

S7 E21 Meth

People thank it funny to say Ize on the meff, but ill sue u fasser than Axl Rose u say that shit bout me any more, libelluss jello bitches...
S7 E20 Clickbait

S7 E20 Clickbait

Careful whut u share & spred on ur soshal medium pages y'all. You making munny for sum lazy sumbitch who trick u into given up ur accounts, dum sumbitchss.
S7 E19 Pets

S7 E19 Pets

Stop thankin u sumthin speshul cause u shit out a baby.. Furmommas is just as mutherly as yalls - ya high n miteys!
S7 E18 Currency Debate

S7 E18 Currency Debate

All this kerfluffleness bout Harret Tubman on sum money, oh NO! Racists gotta pay for crack rock w/ a black gal, it called KARMA bitches!
S7 E17 50 Cent

S7 E17 50 Cent

Y'all herd what FISTY Cent dun to that poor ol Autism boy. Id from a drank in his face.....one of them flamin' fancy ones too!
S7 E16 Flint Water Crisis

S7 E16 Flint Water Crisis

Diss mIchgun fuckup gots me all kinds pissed off! This Guvnah need to resine & arrested if u want my pinyons.
S7 E15 Bathroom Laws

S7 E15 Bathroom Laws

All this brohhahhaa over transpeeps & where they pee.....they ALREADY BEEN PISSIN ALL AROUND U! U didn't have no problem w/ a 3rd bathroom when it was for blacks now did ya Conservabitches????
S7 E14 Caitlyn Jenner

S7 E14 Caitlyn Jenner

Listen up, just cause I'm a LGBT & more forth advocate don't mean i gotta likes ALL of 'em....speshally dat hateful Cait. #IAmCancelled
S7 E13 Fast Food

S7 E13 Fast Food

As if u weren't posinin the earth enuf w/ ur polushin, u gone give ur body fatness & stomach cancer when all u eat is junk. MickyD's is DEATH y'all! git u sum sense...
S7 E12 Manny Pacquiao

S7 E12 Manny Pacquiao

S7 E11 The Supreme Court

S7 E11 The Supreme Court

Mercans diserve a fully oprashunal SCOTUS. its why we got checks n balances n shit like et. So do ur job Pullicunt Congresses!
S7 E10 Free The Nipple

S7 E10 Free The Nipple

To hell w/ society boobie obsession...it time we got over this prudy nonsense!
S7 E9 Pro-Rape Meet-Ups

S7 E9 Pro-Rape Meet-Ups

Us women gonna perteck arselfs ANY WAY WE CAN! Y'all idear stealers better not go on Sharktank wiff my invenshun! Peace out!
S7 E8 Open/Concealed Carry

S7 E8 Open/Concealed Carry

So yeah i flew off da hannle b4 bout guns, but that was afore it hit close to home, so i move to the cenner & U SHOULD 2!!!!

S7 E7 Break-Ups

S7 E7 Break-Ups

Everbody knows soon as Hollerdays and Vallytimes is over & u bored of fukkin that persum, u suppose to givem the heave ho for they try and put a rang on it! DURRRR,,,,

S7 E6 Masturbation

S7 E6 Masturbation

S7 E5 White Privilege

S7 E5 White Privilege

Hey if u with & u don't unnerstand white prilvege, well that just cause u white. Just put ur ass in some brown shoes n see the world differnt ya idgits!

S7 E4 Drag Queens

S7 E4 Drag Queens

S7 E3 Bryan Silva

S7 E3 Bryan Silva

This internet dipshit been in my cross hares for a long time. We gotta just ignore deez tenshun whores & cart they crazy asses off to the loony bin like we use to!

S7 E2 Star Wars

S7 E2 Star Wars

May th Whore Be W/ U in my movie review/. Was hoping JJ Abrums was gonna remake the prequels & kill off JarJar but,,,no such lucks.

S7 E1 Crowdsourcing

S7 E1 Crowdsourcing

Thanky for YEARS of support, iffin u been lissnen to the bitchins that long! Plz visit www.gofundme.com/LorettaJenkins & invest in many years more!!!!!!!

S6 E34 The Bicentennial Episode

S6 E34 The Bicentennial Episode

Loretta Jenkins extends her weekly bitchfest to yet another milestone. Join us soon as we being you Season 7 of HOW I SEIZE IT & more! Thank You everyone for spreadin' The Gospel of Lo!

S6 E33 Baggage

S6 E33 Baggage

Happy 2016 Everbody, make shur 2 shrug off all that bag juju from this lass year and say FUCK it, & start over!!!! XOXO

S6 E32 Holiday Memories

S6 E32 Holiday Memories

This me retelling my fav Hollerday memory of all TImE! Make sure u also warch my Xmas song!

S6 E31 BroJobs

S6 E31 BroJobs

Heer my essposay on the newest sex trend among closited queers. Hey! U Gay!

S6 E30 Grooming

S6 E30 Grooming

I axe fans what they want me to talk on regardin groomin habits so heer goes. For more see my Personal Hygeen HISI too!

S6 E29 Race Baiting

S6 E29 Race Baiting

Sense I railed on them Federate flag wavers, i that it only fair i give equal side to the other issue what divides racism in this cuntry. #FairIsFair & #STFU...

S6 E28 Flag Controversy

S6 E28 Flag Controversy

No doubt ppls gonna throw a fit over diss vidya, but don't kill the messenger, Im jess translation frum Swisserland here…It important to unnerstan them what sees the world differnt than U!

S6 E27 Gratitude

S6 E27 Gratitude

S6 E26 Role Models

S6 E26 Role Models

Dang i git so sick & hard of ppl tellin me i got a social sponsability on how to conduct my self now i'm a public figger. Hey, don't tell me whut 2 fuckin 2 or ill neck u in the neck, CAPRICE????

S6 E25 Respect

S6 E25 Respect

Since Im famuss n shit now, we gone have a lil lessun on how to RESPECK LoHenk, caprice?

S6 E24 Wrongskin

S6 E24 Wrongskin

Heer one them thangs I don't unnerstand. Corse if hissury rite, we prolly wa all black ta begin wiff. so lemme mull diss shit ovur 1st...

S6 E23 Karma

S6 E23 Karma

Liste, theres repercushuns to thots & actshuns in the universe, so y'all better respeck sum damn karma now!~!! fukkin haters...

S6 E22 The Walking Dead

S6 E22 The Walking Dead

Man if i ever git in a zombie pockalisps, me & Darryl just gonna go off on our own & repopulate the earth, kept i aint havin no youngness, so I'm just gonna git lade hella plenty. How better to spend rest my daze...

S6 E21 Donald Trump

S6 E21 Donald Trump

Vote fur w hover u wunt to, but just not this dumbass. Whut happen last time we voted in a celebrity??? I'm Still waitin on dat trikkle down bullshit, aint u?

S6 E20 Transgender

S6 E20 Transgender

I dont git all this hubbub bout lettin people just not be who they wanna be. just STFU and mind yur own life.

S6 E19 Marriage Equality

S6 E19 Marriage Equality

Cellerbrate queers gittin married, but don't git married cuz its stoop, but if ya gotta i guess it good to be abel 2! QUalidee fur all!

S6 E18 Ashley Madison

S6 E18 Ashley Madison

Y'all no i don't bales in manogmay but still i had bitch on diss cheater website & they security breech!

S6 E17 Smoking Cessation

S6 E17 Smoking Cessation

Anybody what evur try and quit smoking know is a BITCh, so u can Magine whut it like 4 diss bitch!!!

S6 E16 Isis

S6 E16 Isis

Deer Lord, why cantchu gives all the terrissts aggressive cancers & leeve peaceful folks alone. Iffin ya did that, more people mites still go to church, ya heer? How cum mose terrists all cum frum that dessert place. Maybe if they live sumwhar nicer they be nicer.

S6 E15 Chris Crocker

S6 E15 Chris Crocker

Youtube FIX yur shit K? It aint rite fur nobdody to leave hate wiffout transparensy. I wanna KNOW who my haters are, k assholes?

S6 E14 Church & State

S6 E14 Church & State

How cum Pullicuns want everbody out they bidness, cept when its bout they ralijum, huh? Et don’t seem fare n balanced ta me, u? Ima pray fur yall to stop bein so damn ignurnt.

S6 E13 Jared Fogle

S6 E13 Jared Fogle

Peeps been hounding me to move this topic up for Jared git his in the slamma. Can u baleev the nerve a these celebuturds?

S6 E12 Mirroring

S6 E12 Mirroring

All deez sites steeling my shit got me so mad i cood spit! How cum nuffin aint bein dun huh?

S6 E11 Nancy Grace

S6 E11 Nancy Grace

Lissen, the more famuss I git the more innerviews folks is gonna wanna do wiff me, but less be cleer, if diss fat heffer ever look at me sidewaze, Ima k ick the ever-luvvin shit outta her tuba lard ass! For realze, Nancy….come at me bruh!

S6 E10 Frivolous Lawsuits

S6 E10 Frivolous Lawsuits

Tort reform needa git handled in this country cuz it had sum unintended backlash an foks wiff disabled babies cant even pay they damn medicul bills!!!!! We needa stage a coo...

S6 E9 Therapy With Dr. Phil

S6 E9 Therapy With Dr. Phil

Sumtimes ya jess need sumbody whutll be thar in lissen & diss time I didn’t even needa tie his ass up. Oh Dokker fill, u don’t know dick, but we make good tV tagether.

S6 E8 Depression

S6 E8 Depression

Iffin u suffer frum the depreshums, I hope yew find soluce & understandin in this. Mite not me the lafffest fokes come to speck, but I didn’t wanna blow smoke up yur ass cuz I no whut it be like to be in that hole I truly do. Nukul Noks!

S6 E7 50 Shades Of Grey

S6 E7 50 Shades Of Grey

This wun gitta speshul shoutout ta Suzanne & her cool ass yungin, she be bichin bout me to do a show onnit, so heer…shut up now. Heheheh naw serussly, this movie stoop as hell and we orta sue the othur fur diss nassyness. She a hor.

S6 E6 Anti-Vaxxers

S6 E6 Anti-Vaxxers

Man u no iss gonna be a good episode iffin I gotta unfrend & blok bitches jess cuz I sed I was doin a show on it! Ennyhow deez people gonnna brang back plagues & shit. Shoot em to the moon I say!

S6 E5 Trophy Hunters

S6 E5 Trophy Hunters

If I see ennbody on my fren list postin they killed diss aminal fur sport ima drop yur ass in the hongry games. How cum wiff all thar is ta do in the wurl, you gotta choose dat as yur extra curriculur, yew sickos!

S6 E4 Fox News

S6 E4 Fox News

Zombie Shitwatchers is whut they needa rename they viewers. Nuttin but fat Lie Spreddin Sumbitches on that chennul…ever lass wun. Course everbody need they own channul I guess…even racestisses.

S6 E3 The Homeless

S6 E3 The Homeless

Yall its sad when we turn the uther way when we talking on the homeless. Whut u thank that kinda life wood be like. Definitely NOT chosin. Less help deez foke, K? Unless they piss on yur londry. That aint kewl.

S6 E2 Independence Day

S6 E2 Independence Day

Thar aint much more to be preeshative uv sides yur freedom to be a bitch & ejeck negative peeples frum yur life. Sellbrate July 4 HISI anniversary by Unfrendin an asshole & bein inderpendent!

S6 E1 Menopause

S6 E1 Menopause

Lawwwww, talk about a major crisis avoidid! Well Ida nown what to speck if my Momma ever wuz a good nuff role modill far me. So raze a glass & cellbrate my eternul barenhood as I dodge a bullit an git reddy far the change…

S5 E33 Pregnancy

S5 E33 Pregnancy

Now lissin all yall baby-sympathizers out thar. Not errbody gotta like yunging, K? So stop bullyin me wiff hates male sayin that Ize gonna git mine sumday. Kidz is stoop anna wasta munny an Im glad aint never had tadeel wiff wun. Furbabies is better cuz lease they shit outside.

S5 E32 Sterotypes

S5 E32 Sterotypes

Yoo cant judge no book by they cuvur an same goes fur peeples. Did yall no that they is white people in Afferka? Blows my damn mine man. I cant wait til all are races is mixed and we all trangennered, then maybe we stop bein assholes bout ar differnces.

S5 E31 Viral Challenges

S5 E31 Viral Challenges

Copycat youtoobers jess steelin frum eech uther and reuplodin make me sick. Be orijunul ya asswipes! & stop given Kylie Jemmer attenshun, she aint dun nuffin wurthy. Yall doin these chellinges like lemmings piss me off ta no end tooooo!

S5 E30 Baltimore Riots

S5 E30 Baltimore Riots

Maybe iffin u stop & understand why fokes riot an protess and step outside yur lily-white pickit fence life & see how fokes on uther side gits treated, yew can see the need for civil unressts. dumbasses

S5 E29 Sugar

S5 E29 Sugar

Yall no dem fatties what don’t know why they so fat, sittem down and make em warch diss. Lern yur ass sumthin bout how the guvurment is poisonin us jess to make munny off shugur industry! I may not be the picher a helf, but at lease I’s skinny.

S5 E28 Welfare

S5 E28 Welfare

Not I’m equally split on diss issue heer. Thar needa been safety in place fur ar peoples b ut they also gone need ways outta it. Tax brakes fur cumpnies helping to git people off assistance is good start.

S5 E27 Income Inequality

S5 E27 Income Inequality

I thank any wumun what don’t vote fur fare wages totes deserv her 80 cents on the dollar, but not diss heffer! Ets why Ima proud soshaliss, id rather pay into the syssem and leave a fare and better wurld. All I needs is beer munny ennyway. Or free beer…yeah…beer shoos be free iffin the Bill-a-rites garantees me happiness!

S5 E26 Memories Pizza

S5 E26 Memories Pizza

Diss religuss freedum BS gone too far. TOO FAR I SAY! Diss country spose to treet all iss people like equuls b ut less be fare, that aint never happin in all its 200 plus yeers. Ets why we needa vote librul so the Pullicuns cant drag us back to the dark ages!

S5 E25 Kanye West

S5 E25 Kanye West

S5 E24 19 Kids & Counting

S5 E24 19 Kids & Counting

That dang TLC channel damn neer unwarchable wiff all the boolshit they call ennertanement! Should be callt The Looser Channul! Cuz it feecher loosers and is warched by LOOSERS! Lawd thet Momma Dugger pussy muss look like a jellyfish by now.

S5 E23 Corporal Punishment

S5 E23 Corporal Punishment

Theys so menny prollems in the wurld what can be trased back to that moment in hissury when we stopped spankin ar lil-uns it aint even funny! We razin a genrayshun uv pussies, ets why I aint got none, I aint beein part of the prollem. Obviously, Im tryin’ to fix shit instead!

S5 E22 Internet Hoaxes

S5 E22 Internet Hoaxes

I sware 2 gods nexx persum who post fake shit and have a freek out, ima go to yur house and sucker punch yew. Lissin, if its SHOCK VALYOO news hedline and it aint from a reputable news agensy, it prolly aint troo! Gitcher hed outcher ass!!!

S5 E21 Anonymous

S5 E21 Anonymous

I kinda miss life befor tha innernets, now damn nerds with their puters thank they run the wurld. Hell ima start keeping my munny in a sock drawer cuz wiff all dem security breeches, who noze what is safe an sacred no more!

S5 E20 Right-To-Die

S5 E20 Right-To-Die

Furss off, yew all oposin people wantin to check our wiff dignity needa ask yourself if you’d trade places wiff diss sufffererr. Huh? Does I heer crikits? Yeah, thots so. STFU & MYFOB. Peace be wiff doze who strugglin’!

S5 E19 Haters

S5 E19 Haters

So lass week everbody got valleytime cards an luv ledders an shit, well u know what I got? Buncha damn hates mail, what else be new. Frum flat-chessed bitchez no doubt. Haters only hate cuz they hate they own shitfilled life! Caprice?

S5 E18 Bill Cosby

S5 E18 Bill Cosby

Hey hey hey! Yew better start warchin out far sleepin pills in yur puddin pops far Cosby fonnle yur tiddies. Man,don’t it seem funny all deez womens got similar stories like them whats been adducted by the aliens does. Aw shit…is Bill Cozzy an alium?

S5 E17 The Amazing Race (with Samoa)

S5 E17 The Amazing Race (with Samoa)

Now cum on CBS, if yew was gonna faller the misadvenchers uv any duo in the wurld out thar, who else wood be more ennertainin sides me en my drag queen Samoer here?!? NOBODY! So hopefully sumbody castin agent see us and wanna give us a shot at that mill!

S5 E16 Sexual Orientation

S5 E16 Sexual Orientation

Im bout sickin tard uv herein diss sexul ornamentation is a choice. When u choose to be str8 huh? Can’t answer? There u have it then! It AINT! Im glad the yungins isn’t as ignurtnt as they parents on this subjeck. If I was gone adopt, I’d only adopt them throwaway gays, they daserve a famalee most!

S5 E15 Civil Disobedience

S5 E15 Civil Disobedience

Hey all u pilferin mofos out thar robbin stores an settin far to people cars on the streets just to proof yur point, yew goddamn stoop. Get a job wiff that ignurntness. Plenny ways to proof yur point wiffout bein idgits about it!

S5 E14 Fame

S5 E14 Fame

Jeepers creepers who knowed tha prise a fame was so steep. I dun been reckanized three times diss munth at the bolin alley. Course, two them times was frum this unnerground porno I did back in the day, but oh-well. Dang gonna have reel life stalkers soon!

S5 E13 Frozen

S5 E13 Frozen

Well theynt jenny harts out thar as frozum as mine, so NN Sisser Elsie, i knows how yew feels. Hey maybe i be poplar snuff to be a karakter on the seekul. Hell i aint cleenin up far disneey ar nobody lessen theys 7-digits involved.

S5 E12 Body Modification

S5 E12 Body Modification

Lawwwwd thangs people wont do fur atenchun deez days. Yoo muss got low self asteam to be putting holes in yur body, what ar u, a Cutter who like to accessurize? Deez people wiff that eerlobe thangs, I kant even maintame eyecontack wiff any uv um. #Gross

S5 E11 Childhood Obesity

S5 E11 Childhood Obesity

Surprize Sueprize…Lo gone & dun a hole show on sumthin yungin related, well..sumbody hadda do sumthin dontchu thank. Sides, iffin I help the wurl get helfy, den everbody is hotter & et meens mor hungins fur me cuz when yoo lose weight u gain a pecker inch, so looks like I win in the end ennyway! TAADAAAAA!

S5 E10 Monsanto

S5 E10 Monsanto

Yoo memmer dem Mr. Yuk stickurs what we used ta put on poisum bottles. Et need to be the noo logo for deez Moonsompo muthafuckas. I hope they all gits put in jale. Et'd mak me heppy.

S5 E9 Cuntmas

S5 E9 Cuntmas

It beginning to look a lot like et time a’year when people only nice cuz, well…iss thet time a’year. Iss time us nontradishnalists got ar own speshul day, caprice? Jingle Jangle, sends me sum goddamn beer munny or ima go shoot sum raindeer, k?

S5 E8 Ferguson (aka Police Brutality)

S5 E8 Ferguson (aka Police Brutality)

Cops used 2 be a profeshun yoo was sposed ta look up to an truss, but nowadays theys usually the emeny cuz they power-hungrey & crookit & workin wiff da mob & keeping racism alive. Thar needa be a law sayin yoo ken fites back wiff cops cuz I aint getting beet like no Rodney king iont care whut kinda badge u got!!!

S5 E7 Domestic Violence

S5 E7 Domestic Violence

Wayull…I been tiptoen around this subjeck fur a while but iss time 2 open up & letchall in on wun of the reesums Im such a hardass now. Lemme jess say next sumbich what puts his hand on me, gone end up in a pine box. Caprice?

S5 E6 Ariana Grande

S5 E6 Ariana Grande

I memmer back wen Nikulodion had edjacayshunul stuf on et an now they parently jess teechin yungin gals how to be KimKardashern-like tenshun hores. Seems dey crown demselves a new Queen Idgit. Now Armyana & Miss Frankie gotta fites over the crown. HEH!

S5 E5 Political Parties

S5 E5 Political Parties

Lissen, if ya don't vote, u kant bitch, K? I always make shur and vote but hell ima bitch either way, & u kno I'm rite. I thank solve ar voter machine prollems in diss HISI, but i can't member…SMH y'all.

S5 E4 Halloween 2: The Return Of Mona & Margie

S5 E4 Halloween 2: The Return Of Mona & Margie

Wayull wunce agin i gotta have my hollerday show innerupted by sum kinda crazy sidetrakked dramuh. I gotta get Miss Cleo over here an ghosebusser deez heifers outta me far good. Ima half midget sexDreems for life now. =(

S5 E3 Ebola

S5 E3 Ebola

Lawd, jess whenya thot it wuz saf ta go ouside agin. Purty soon we's all gone haveta ware body condums, an yall nows what i thank on et subjeck. I becha the guvmint invenned this shit like the aids thang.

S5 E2 Ice Bucket Challenge

S5 E2 Ice Bucket Challenge

Well maybe ima lil late to the pardee but here is my vidja an my commetary on the subjeck. Maybe dem hate ledders will stop a-comin. Ah who the hell am i kiddin...

S5 E1 Alien Abduction

S5 E1 Alien Abduction

Well errbody wunnered whut happen to me over da summer, well here's the answer! If anybody no how to clear up alien jizz, lemme know. Dems sum unsanitary fuckers…SMH Whoo! Seesum 5, Bitchez!

S4 E33 Conspiracy Theories

S4 E33 Conspiracy Theories

Man who knowed my loud mouf was gone being me such trubble. Govermints always got they eye on me, Ize getting deff frets leff an write jess cause I date ta queshern The Man! Hell I aint worried. Let sumbody cum try sumfin wiff me. I ainta scart of a goddamn thang! Cept midgits...an alienz...bofe kinds!

S4 E32 Orange Is The New Black

S4 E32 Orange Is The New Black

I mussamit I had my reservayshuns on diss show cause everthang on tv complete crap nowdaze. But yall needa warch diss show ASAP. I thank I mite audishern to be a white thug prison bich, long as I don't have tat week nobody tiddie.

S4 E31 Game Requests

S4 E31 Game Requests

Can yoo still gets way wiff murders if its temprary insanadee? Cuz next wunna u bothersum mofos sens me a Join Diss Game Bullshit is getting shanked in the jugular. Wunner if I can stans my ground on deez Candee Crushers... TRY ME!

S4 E30 Anger Management

S4 E30 Anger Management

I aint meen. I just got character. So fur all yall who don't ralees yur anger on daily basees, well yew the ones on Snapped an To Kill A Predatur shows. Sen me sum munny so I can ket sum estenchuns. I burnt my har on dem hippy cannles.

S4 E29 Fetishes

S4 E29 Fetishes

Lissin, if you gotta nassy seshul habit, keep it in yur own bedroom, yain't gotta tell yur tale all over the TV wurld! Aint you got no cooth? An stay on the innernets where you anonymuss an I aint gotta see yur ugly fase! Heh, heh, heh!

S4 E28 AIDS

S4 E28 AIDS

Now don't let diss wun depress ya, less thank uv it like a sellabrayshun! We has control over diss killer bu t the fite aint over yet! Spred Awareness, not the Virus, ya heer?!?

S4 E27 Scientology

S4 E27 Scientology

U no whut, aint nuttin sacred no more. Not even my favrit movie uv all time, Grease cause it got that brainwarshed nitwit John Travoltuh in it. He juss a hollerwood meet puppet now. Sadface...

S4 E26 Krokodil

S4 E26 Krokodil

Whose job is it to sit round an thinka new drugs, Wont yoo make up wun dat don't have leprasee side effex, how bout dat? Damn Rushuns...Buncha shady fuckers bringin dat shit over here...

S4 E25 Stand Your Ground

S4 E25 Stand Your Ground

How bouts we onlee make stun guns frum now on huh? Whasso rong bout that? Im sicka reedin bout all this tragedie. You pulla gun on me and I will jujitsu your head clear off its sholderblade, caprice?

S4 E24 North Korea

S4 E24 North Korea

Now all u haters STFU sayin' I'm in Jap-Face. I am payin homage to Koreen roots wiff my cossume so fuck off! Iss time we give diss country back to dem, day were better off back 'en!

S4 E23 Miley Cyrus

S4 E23 Miley Cyrus

Laws i thot we dun hit the Bitch Ceelin whiff dat Linsee Lohan, but lurnin in the dark shaders was Diss Disney Hore! Put sum close on girl!!!! You Nassy. Tell ur Daddy call me & Less Get it On!

S4 E22 Duck Dynasty

S4 E22 Duck Dynasty

I sure folks is gone come at me far diss wun, so lemme half it haters! I dont back down drum queerabuse not fur nuffin! Yall choose now, warch MY SHOW or diss Duckfucker bisnatch. Choos I say!!

S4 E21 Affluenza

S4 E21 Affluenza

Man I new i shoulda banned yungins frum my trailor park. They all nassy and germ, contoxicatin the air. Wun at the fancy store sneeze at me an i git the fluenze...sumbitch!

S4 E20 Winter Olympics

S4 E20 Winter Olympics

Well now lease we no why Rusha was bein so nice an peaseful cuz day was tryin to divert or tension while day git reddy to brake unti that Yookrane country. Guess we gone back to da ColeWar days. Thankly, we dont harly use cole no more. We goin Green so fukk You Reds!

S4 E19 Fundraisers

S4 E19 Fundraisers

Affer 4 yeers a bichin, its time to CHIP IN all you loyal DB's! Any Amount Helps! Make sure to SUBSCRIBE & SHARE the 'Gospel of Lo!'

S4 E18 Birthdays

S4 E18 Birthdays

Sumwun ask me how many cannles I wunt on my burday cake. Well I don't eet, dumfuck, u wood know that iffin yew really was a DB! But the answer is WUn cause I only care bout ME, I'm #1 and if you don't count birthdays, yew technically don't age! That's the secrit to yooful byooty, jess don't give a fuck! Aight!?!

S4 E17 Catfish

S4 E17 Catfish

So I guess somwun tole me catfishin is now a verb dat don't meen getting out yur lures and worms and try to get u a catfish. Dats dumm. Im sicka youngins an then tarded new frases. Go back 2 skool dumasses! I need a drank.

S4 E16 Sharknado

S4 E16 Sharknado

Well...dare is 2 hours ov my life I cant git back and I aint referrin to dem 4 AA meeing the cort made me go too. Iss diss Shark Tornado movie. I guess since everthang shot on digital I cant say diss film a waste a celluloid. Heh! Seerusslee, don't warch diss crap ass thang.

S4 E15 Black Friday

S4 E15 Black Friday

No wun likes a goods sale more than me, but goddamn, if someone push me during a sale I got ever rite to fuck they entire world up sideways. This all jess a ploy by Walmart to try an gain ownership over Turkey Day. Goddamn Injun haters. Woodnt be surprise if them smallpox Injun blankets come from Colonial Walmart! Mmm hmm!

S4 E14 Whistleblowers

S4 E14 Whistleblowers

I furss thot this topic wus a new oral sex actividee, den when I fount out whut it reely wus I got pist as fuck. Who deez NSA asshats thank they are lissnin in on my calls and lernin all my seecrits? Im a lade a misteree an I don't need them buggin my phone and lernin my shits.

S4 E13 Ann Coulter

S4 E13 Ann Coulter

Yall hurd ov govermint shutdowns, well I wish a brain-eetin ameeba would find its way up dis bitch's brain and shut HER down. Dares few people on diss erf dat make me baleev in the devil an bein possess by deemuns, an I fink Ann Colter wunuvum.

S4 E12 The Tea Party

S4 E12 The Tea Party

Hallelujah, I seen the news Michelle Bockman quittin congress. Guess her hubby finally wanted to suck dick out in the open now. Votin teepardee people in office is like voting the ugly girl Homecoming Queen, sounds like the right thing to do, but then you look back and realize you are fuckin with the natural order!

S4 E11 Witches

S4 E11 Witches

If any reel wiches out thar noze a spell that'll turn water into beer, come see me an less start a church. My voodoo pussy puts a spell on all the hungins it mounts, but its jess a 24 hour thang cause I can't loose street cred by fuckin a dude more then wunce. Damn Im random today yall.

S4 E10 Amanda Bynes

S4 E10 Amanda Bynes

Man Im so durn tard uv herein now hard it be to have a celebridee life. How cum all these prililiged people cumplain bout bein famuss. Whats better an that? Cause bein happy juss a mith far as Im cumcerned.

S4 E9 National Coming Out Day

S4 E9 National Coming Out Day

Iont care whut they say is a dedly sin like PRIDE. Pride is good fur our selfsteem. And ar LFGBTCBY bros an sissies needs sum selfsteem when they raised in a country that bullies dem. Here hopin Queen Latifa come out soon. We need a bassadur to help that black communidee get more homofrenlee.

S4 E8 Paula Deen

S4 E8 Paula Deen

Whoeve say ignorance is bliss I guess dats why Paulr soo damn happy all the time. AN here I thot it wuz cuz she was on a sugar high all the dam time. Im prouda her wate loss but dontchall thank she, pardun me here, look better when she was a fatty??? Dis the wun exception to my skinny only rule. How she get uglier? Oh cuz she raciss...

S4 E7 Modern Slang

S4 E7 Modern Slang

You ever listen at a youngin talk with they stoop lingo and think to yourself, man I'd like to push you in front of a bus instead of havin' to listen to your retarded doomed generation's new hip slang! I might start doin that, so keep your eye on the evening news case I snap.

S4 E6 Superstitions

S4 E6 Superstitions

Oh now all yew PETA sympathizers gonna seize on my kickin the cat part of this HISI wont yew try and unnerstand that fuckin fleabag has shit on my porch on more than one occasion. I'm jess spose to ignore that? Fuck yew.

S4 E5 Strange Addictions

S4 E5 Strange Addictions

Look, I aint no addick, K fucktwats? So stop sayin I iz! Alcoholism just a fancy wurd for pussies what can't hold they liquor! I'll drink any wunyall unner the table! Sides I can quit drinkin anytime, I jess don't want to an addicts WANT to quit, so I aint wun, see? DUH!

S4 E4 Etiquette

S4 E4 Etiquette

Swore to gods I'd never share screentime wiff diss tenshun hungry hore again affer she made me look like JWow in about ten yeer, but she the only person wood answer the call to come make me into a real lady. She knows what it takes, seein as she used to be a dude. (Special Guest: Michelle Spaziano)

S4 E3 Westboro Baptist Church

S4 E3 Westboro Baptist Church

Yew no how I no dey is no reel god. Cuz if god wuz reel an they hwas these Felpsus Family preeechin hate in HIS holy name, then he'd wipe them out wiff themn Olahoma tornados instead of wipin' out a elementary skool.. What yew think?

S4 E2 The Bloody Mary Show

S4 E2 The Bloody Mary Show

Lotsa folks tells me my stuff is Briddish funny an I guess dass a complament cuzz they spose ta be smarter dan we are over here stateside. Luckily I stumble upon diss innernet gem. Yall make sure an warch they show, jess not my HISI, or else why I tryin to broaden yur horizums for assholes? Goddamn yall piss me off sometime.

S4 E1 Spoilers

S4 E1 Spoilers

Let's juss say me an my mamma's reunyum done put more fire in my belly than Kim Kardash has had dix up inner! I alwayze try an piss everwun off fairlee, so heres wun all yall can call me cunt together for all in wun. Suckit wiff sum spoilers. And DUH! Don't go onlines iffin yont wanna lern what happened in the wurld! Stoopits!

S3 E34 The Centennial Episode

S3 E34 The Centennial Episode

Oh look, I been bichin fur three solit goddamn yeers! Fuck times flies when yew drunk an angry mose the time. Yall enjoys this super mega long centennial bichfess while I soke up sum rays an think uv how Ima top what I already dun alreddy. Don't furget to share me wiff yur DB's. Cya in the falls!

S3 E33 Mother's Day

S3 E33 Mother's Day

There not a lotta things I like talking bout less on more than Muthers day, two blackout days of my life is trace back to two different mothers day when babies was leff an dreams died an fuck Ima needa be drunker to do this, yall hode up, brb after sum shots. Guest Starring: Terry Roth AS "Loco Mama."

S3 E32 Big Brother

S3 E32 Big Brother

So yew git lock up in a fancy house fur three munths an yew git a cool halfa mill jess far lyin an backstabbin an bein mean an throwin biches unner a bus? Hell, I do that ever time I go round ta colleck rent! Hey Julie Chin, you needa do The Talk wiff me an gimme my goddamn houseguess key! Ima win it all!!!

S3 E31 Fashion

S3 E31 Fashion

Like I need to turn on the TV to lern what fashnable. Well I don't, I jess need two dollars and a trip to the Clothing By The Pound. Yew can make a top outta anything gals long as yur nips is coverd. Jess warch me steada them bichy queeny gays. I taught them cocksuckers everthang they knowed anyways.

S3 E30 Walmart

S3 E30 Walmart

Yew lookin fur somewun to blame fur ar economic predickerment? Uh, look no further than this famalee over here in Arkansas. I thank I know my own folk. I warch a dockamenary an now I know everthang so stop shoppin thar! Fur the luv uv munny!

S3 E29 Beautiful Agony

S3 E29 Beautiful Agony

Oh look everwun, look here at my cumface. What kinda Amsterdam hashish shit people smoke that gettem dis kinda idear. Course if yew makin money off it, mad props to ya! Anyway if yew wanna see my cumface, don't go to no website, jess come an fuck, hell whatchu waitin on?

S3 E28 Marijuana

S3 E28 Marijuana

Now I don't make stonin a habit or anythang cause yew cant get Mona to stop singin broadway showtunes if I'm too high. And she still think she got 2 ockaves of voice range. But yeah, I come out the green closit. I unapolagestically LOVE marrywanna! 420 yalls!

S3 E27 Sexual Harassment

S3 E27 Sexual Harassment

Im a bit confuse, I like a little harassment in my sexuals, ya know? It aint fun lessen sumbody gittin ropeburnt am I rite? Ahhhh Youth...good times. But I hate doble stannerds that mens feels titled to seshully harass jess cuz they feel sperior, well I don't subscribe to that I'm made of yur rub boolshit nomores. Peace Peckers!

S3 E26 The Pharmaceutical Industry

S3 E26 The Pharmaceutical Industry

Well obviously I'm sorta on the fense on this topix cause hell I like my pills but I also like to spose fraudulent industries as offen as I can. Them Mercks and Fizers out thar turnin us all into drug dependent zombies makes me has such panick tacks I gotta get out 2 zannies now look what you gone made me dun...

S3 E25 Easter

S3 E25 Easter

Up From The Grave He A-Rose, or so goze the story. Iont kno. Aint like there any ackshull proof uv any of it, but I digess...So happy burfday Jesus, Thanky fur yur sinz an all that hangin on the cross yew did fur us heeverns. What do Jews cellerbrate fur easter?

S3 E24 Yoga

S3 E24 Yoga

Now, I likes spandex. I likes wurkin up a swet, but I dont like Yoga folk, they all hippy and smellin like eggs that been leff out in the sun. My faggit buddy stephon lernt how to suk his own dik from dem Yogis, but what I needa lern how ta stretch far, I keep it flexible in the fuck departmint, so I thank I got it covert.

S3 E23 The Deaf

S3 E23 The Deaf

I NO I BEEN A LIDDLE BEHINE PUTTIN MY CLOSE CAPSHUNS ON HERE BUT YALL JESS HOLD TITE IM ONLY WUN GODDAMN PERSON TRYNA GIT FAMUSS ON HERE! YEW NO WHUT KINDA PRESSURE IM UNNER TO SECEDE! ANYWAY, WUN YALL CONVERT WHAT THIS HEFFER SED ON ME AT THE END HERE THANKY!

S3 E22 School Prayer

S3 E22 School Prayer

I thank since there seperashun a church an state an states run skools then that meens no prayer in skools! DUH, DUMBASSES! Pray on yur own time, yew spose to be there to lern, yew got Sunday skool fur bible stuff, ain that anuff? I mean Jesus!!!

S3 E21 Les Miserables

S3 E21 Les Miserables

Do you heer the people sing? Well hell yeah I did, ass all I did was heer dem sing cuz didn't nobody talk throo any of the whole damn movie! Ats a damn opera! Ah fuck I cant lie, I luvved the whole thang, tho I hadda stay in the movie all day and watch different parts cuz I kep passin out an wandrin round blowin random dudes.

S3 E20 Whitney Houston

S3 E20 Whitney Houston

Oh law dis wun hit me pritty hard. So much so I reely jess finished a secrit drug binge fur the lass few munfs, but didn't nobody harlee notiss. Heh. I'm a funkshunal whatchamakallit. RIP Whitney sweet torchure sole. Even do yew plajerize the nashunal anfem an died all embarassin like Elvis, we still gone member ya fondlee. HashtagRIP. #Sadface

S3 E19 Relationships

S3 E19 Relationships

Here whut on the table mens...We can fuck or...well Iont know what much else is dare? Don't ask me furra date cuz I don't date. Mose yew can hope for is yew git me so fucked up I cant member yew from one day to the nex, I mite could loosely call that a relashunship. Im reely too much whore for one man.

S3 E18 Honey Boo Boo

S3 E18 Honey Boo Boo

Ladees an Gentmens, we has reeched that time in hissury fortole by ar forefathers, we have declared a functionally tarded imbred famlee cenner of attenshun an that has brot forf the decline uv the western civalashun. Spoze Jesus come back to fite the zombies soon. I hope they telvize dat. If I turn Ima chew dis Honey Boo Boo porker ass off.

S3 E17 Gangnam Style

S3 E17 Gangnam Style

Now sumwun splain to me what so ennertainin bout dis shit, huh? Maybe dis the age I start gettin too old fur the shit dats cool, is that it? AN what langwidge that is, it aint really catchy. Dat muss be wut klingon sound like, dem Asians love them some star TRex. OPPA STOOP VIDEO!

S3 E16 Taylor Swift

S3 E16 Taylor Swift

Yew herda one hit wonders? Well, Taylor Swiff shooda been a NONE hit wunder! Man wun can only hope she goze the way a Tiffany an Debbie Gibsum. Nex time her song cum on the radio if sumwun be so kine as to drive a metal stake thru my skull earlobe to earlobe, thatd be juss peachy keen, K? Fanks.

S3 E15 Rape

S3 E15 Rape

Deer Roy Akins frum over thar in Misurrah. Sumwun needa shuv a dickshunary strate up yur choklit whizway an relern yew the defanishern a rape! Ima git me a piggy faggit to pin yew down while a buncha his buddees fist-fuck yew into nex week. So glad yew loss yur leckshun!

S3 E14 PETA

S3 E14 PETA

No fence ta Betty White cuz I know she sportin a biggun far aminals, but goddamn yall we gots to draw the line somewhars! We gotta have sumthin ta tess medicines an beauty producks on what are yew gonna volunteer? An lissin PETA paint thrower, I got my innernet back on an Ima google yur address and come cut yur brake! Look, until huntin legal an meet git outlaw- HEY OMG I bet PETA taints ar meet supplies an started all dat mad cow madness! I tell yew whut if anywunya can gits me a coat a Linsee Loham skin, I ware dat on a upcomin episode...long as yew warsh it furss cuz iont wanna catch nuffins.

S3 E13 The Hunger Games

S3 E13 The Hunger Games

Ever wunce in a wile there come a movee so daggum awful it make yew ponder, 'I wunner how menny starvin kids coulda got fed wiff this big budgit flick?' Then yew member Hell iont care bout foodless youngins! I been hongry since '78, yew don't heer my skinny ass a'bitchin!

S3 E12 Santa Claus

S3 E12 Santa Claus

He go by menny a name: Kris Krinkle, Jack Fross, Misser Johnson in a Sanny soot from Momma's bridge club a few times that I'd let sniff my pannies in schange for sneekin me sum eggnog. Lemme tell ya THAT was one Jolly Ol St Nick! Enyhoo, Joy to the Wurl yall!

S3 E11 Virginity

S3 E11 Virginity

Virgens are loosers and don't never let nobody ever tell ya utherwise. If ya don't git good at sex early on aint nobody gonna wanna brake yew in an if yew awful in bed, they jess gonna cheet on ya anyways thems juss the facts of life. Anywun tell yew different jess a liar an can't be trusted an likely ain't a good sex ed source a info affer all.

S3 E10 Competitive Eating

S3 E10 Competitive Eating

Ma eyes! Ma eyes! Sick an gross yall, an I aint talking fur wunce accidently catchin a glipse of Mamaw in the shower over yonder. I mean theys jess sum thangs in this wurld I's at a complete loss over and that is Eatin'. Now, Eatin' fur a CONTESS?? That's plum tardit.

S3 E9 Facebook

S3 E9 Facebook

Crack, booze, ciggys, nudie cable...They all addickive sustances what's contributin' to the downgradin of ar sussciety. Now we got this App what turns us all into soshully addicked attenshun whores. Goddamn, sumwun pull my trigger now, cause we all dun far.

S3 E8 Thanksgiving

S3 E8 Thanksgiving

Orange is a ugly culler an pilgrims was homely folks so why we cellabate this day then? Well, without 'Ol Whitey massackrin all the RedMens, then SHAZAM, Americas was bornt! Troo story. I tell ya what, if I was Injun I'd be thanksful far two thangs: my permanent tan and my share in the locull casino. Cha-ching!!!

S3 E7 Chick-Fil-A

S3 E7 Chick-Fil-A

Taint like me boycottin a ressarant what don't serve no likker gonna do a hole hella good, but that aint the pointa bitchin now, is it DBs? Yew got ever Constatooshunal rites to choose or not wherefur as an American cunsoomer yew spens yur munny. Send it ta me! I luv queers!!!

S3 E6 Election 2012

S3 E6 Election 2012

So ever for yeers ar so, we parade a buncha hot air polatisherns an vote on who gits the power to blow the planit to smivereens. Man, aint nobody can fix 250 sum odd yeers of fuckups. I thank I mites move to Norweegia. Whose wit me?

S3 E5 Ghosts

S3 E5 Ghosts

BOO, MOTHERFUKERS! Yall knowed I got these too spirit biches hauntin my noggin, but tonite, Ima try and resureck fur a talk wiff the bichiest ded cunt I knowed, my whore Momma. It juss fur a drank recipe, I ain't tryna have a moshunal brakethru ar nuttin.

S3 E4 Bath Salts

S3 E4 Bath Salts

Yall laff but obversly folks needs to be heedin my warnins and premanishurns cause I tole yew zombees is a'comin'! Stoop fuckin' junkees jess roonin' mankine. Don't yew know only body part whats spose ta get eaten is pussy! DURRRR!

S3 E3 Ex-Gays

S3 E3 Ex-Gays

They say a troo frens work is never dun. Well, I aint much for frens but I gotta warch out for my impreshnable yung faggits out there, like my DB Stephon here. Yall chime ins. Is this frenly innervenshun therapy ar juss plain ole cock abuse? "Stay gay, faggits. Stay gay!"

S3 E2 Penn State Scandal

S3 E2 Penn State Scandal

Man, I hadda eet sum vodker-soaked watermellun jess to have somethin to throw up affer hearin on this toddler-molessin scannal! To hell wiff skool rivaries, we can all jess git along an ban together in our commun hatrid of these cornholin' idgit sickos! They shood make them play without pads so my team kin put the hurt on!

S3 E1 Downton Abbey

S3 E1 Downton Abbey

I figurt since yall mist me cuz sum cunt posin as the Lord sents me on hiatiss, I'd git gussied up and fancyfy my seesum prameer! Yall notiss that here, much like et shitshow Twilite, we gots cuzzins marryin and fukkin an aint nobody suthern or cuncern that lotsa times imbred babees ends up tardit. Welcum back DBs!

S2 E33 Cyberterrorism

S2 E33 Cyberterrorism

Yall I jess lernt how ta use emails lass yeer so iont unnerstans how folks frum millyun mile away can see inna yur webbercam, speshly when I's rubbin ones out. But lissen, I been spishuss since I got shots and I knowed I got a ghose in my heds an in my masheen. Sumwun leeve me a whiches phone nummer if yew know wun so I can exercise dees computer virus deemuns.

S2 E32 Stem Cells

S2 E32 Stem Cells

Now whas all the damn fuss now bouts deez stemmer cells? If we tess shit on rats folks frum peeta be bitchin but if we use kids, yougin avvocates be bichin, then Crisherns bich bout anything wiff fetus an ar cells. Jess shutup cause if they can stend my life wiff cloning me fer harvessin my orgins, then ets my bidness yew lemme git god's judgerment on my own turms.

S2 E31 Toddlers & Tiaras

S2 E31 Toddlers & Tiaras

I thank I been kinely cleer bout my levela desdains fur kids, yungins, punkass little peeples, whatevs ya wanna calls em wace of spaces. Now they gots they own show whar theys little booty pagit queens? All hell naw. I mean I thank it mite benefit them liluns a lil bit if them fat hefferettas lern that yew can only get take serussly inna wurl if yew gits yurself skinny.

S2 E30 The Middle East Conflict

S2 E30 The Middle East Conflict

Arrite I fank we needa focuss on ar own prollems an let whut happen in gannystans stay over in gannystan. They jusss start shit wiff day geehod tawk so we don't focuss on ar Travon martin shit an homeless youffs en ets how deez towl --warin hoodlems keeps ruinthe moral fiber a this grate cuntry. Now dat dats settle, nuke em brownees an take they orl while thaint lookin!!!

S2 E29 Plastic Surgery

S2 E29 Plastic Surgery

Now how cum we got have dis out agin, thout I made myself cleer when I sed aint nuffin wrong wiff fols wont to look purdee far they man are wimin pendin on whichway yur win blows. We needsa be boosterin up self esteems in these dark ages an helping the comony by makin sure the booty innustrey stay afloat, ets juss commun sense yalls.

S2 E28 The Contraception Debate

S2 E28 The Contraception Debate

Fank gods far womins voter anger an fack mose us got mamries like elfunts, hangin low an always membrin. Damn conserves gots all us biches pannies in a colleckive wad an make sureyall vote Bama far predent agin cause iffinyew don't we all gone be force ta carry would=-be brats at full term. Iffin it happen tho, hit me up an ill teech ya how to fall down stares so where only that lil parasite gets the brunt the fall an notchu.

S2 E27 Don't Say Gay

S2 E27 Don't Say Gay

Seems ever yeer theys sum hater dum sumbich tryna git a law pass thass juss retarded outrite. Well wunna dem closet cocksuckers tryna say we cayunt say gay nomores. Ets stooper en stoop. Sumwun otta give this lawmaker a furss rate demo on autosoticc fixertation only when ya wrap that belt roun an squeeze, don't never let go! GayGayGayGay see I sed it. Well I type it, aitn got my mikerphone hook up yet.

S2 E26 Pornography

S2 E26 Pornography

Ummm idk call me a tradishnaliss, but I thank the human nekkid boddee a worka art unless yew a biggun, then yeah maybe shood be outlaw far fatties a be nekkid or outside they house wiffout a sheet covrn them. Who don't like sex ets juss stoop. We cayunt ban nudie mags, how else will youngins lern how to please they future fuckbudds? Uh DUHHHHHH!

S2 E25 Rush Limbaugh

S2 E25 Rush Limbaugh

I hate asshoes, fat fucks and pelicuns so yewall can jess magine how muchi hate an pray fur the deff of they king. Off wiff his hedd, pecker, legs, arums, whateva jess draw and quarter an tar an fevver hisself in a woodchipper jess like innat moovee. Goddamn if theys wun persun I cood get away wiff murdrin, it be this sumbich.

S2 E24 Overpopulation

S2 E24 Overpopulation

Nuff is nuff baby fakkries. Sumyall baby makers needsa closedown yur shop. Why has kids ennyway, jess more oxygen steelers if yunt my pinyun. We jess gone leave em a pollute-filled, cash strap nayshum, I wuddnt wunt bornt intono wurl like that, woods y'all? Less pray fur anarmageddin wipe us out soon.

S2 E23 Blind Dates

S2 E23 Blind Dates

I cants date no bline man, I need sumwun can persheate all this hotness I got goine on. An don't nunyall sets me up onna date lessen I preprove the dude u pimpin me too. In related news...Lord pleese deliver me frum dis bitch I been chackled on for furever anna day. Goddamn I'm horned up, sumwun cum over an drill baby drill me soon dis pain-a-my-ass goze home. Guest Star: Jennifer Whitcomb-Oliva.

S2 E22 Affirmative Action

S2 E22 Affirmative Action

Y'all knows ain't got a prejice bone in my bodee, cept that time I was hired to git gangbang by that groopa Korean biznessmens at the downtown Little Rock HoJo what's was like an Asian KK that's hated blacks but I didn't know atta time so git offs my case bout dat shit. Enjoy this HISI an tryan ignore this darkmeet heffer steelin my spotlite. Guest Star: Jennifer Whitcomb-Oliva.

S2 E21 Religion

S2 E21 Religion

Face facks is mose folks onlee gots ralijun fur same reesume dey gots insurance. In case a mergency an dey needa Godbase backup plan. Iont know what's I baleef anymore cuz all dem ralijuns souns like sum ego-center man tryna control slaves wiff buncha arbiter rules. I thank when I gits nuff fallers onlines I can git a tax zemp fur spreadin the gospel a Lo roun the wurl. Preeeech.

S2 E20 The 99%

S2 E20 The 99%

Well hayull, cant be too bad a finanshul crises iffin these nappy hair hippies gots time to bitch they tents an bother folks wiff they bichy bichin an wall streets protessin. If yew gots time ta occupy, yew gots time ta shave ya goddamn legs iffin yew ask me.

S2 E19 Twitter

S2 E19 Twitter

Taint been a lotta invensherns over the corse a time that one wood say was ignurnt but they broke the mothafuckin ignurnt mold when they invented the twitters. Lawd Goddy Help. Twitters dummer en Laserdisc flashin in my pan. Is like how dey use ta say bein queer jess a fase but hunnert a years later folk still suckin dikk. Sumwun kills iss here twidders far me, en tweets me bout it.

S2 E18 Personal Hygiene

S2 E18 Personal Hygiene

Yalls I hates nassee assez. Ets mainly why I stay sangle cauze mens mosely durty fukkers an I aint inta muchin down on no muff-cooter, so lesboisms is definitly out the picher. I speck I get defrenned far tellin sum yalls nassee habitz out here in the publix but iont care I jess get me sum new cleen frens. Peace out my nikkas-

S2 E17 Kim Kardashian

S2 E17 Kim Kardashian

If yall lets yur little wuns warch enny show wiff dis hore on it, well yew only gonna have yerself ablame when yew a granny in yur thirdies. She aint nothin but trash, pure trash whats family from some albina afferca-middle eese-lesbyana cuntry et raise they wimins ta be harem hores. Prolly hadda flee they home cuntry cause thet fat sisser a'hers needed ta drop a hunnert pounds less the goverment gonna take her ta markit. SMH BruceJenner, yew aint no Wheeties Box no more, yew look like a ken doll wiffa extra cromasone.

S2 E16 The Economy

S2 E16 The Economy

it off ol Obammers' back mans, cause lass time we hadda depreshin we hadda have a presdent far twelve year or sumthin like et ta fix et shit up. I thank I mite go backs to stripin cause they cant tax my munny cause only I counts my sangles an cause fads cum an goes and the ecominy ebbs and flows, but pussy is always poplar. An I thank it unfar yew cant use coupons far beet, that prejudiss ginst those of use who dont eets.

S2 E15 BiSexuals

S2 E15 BiSexuals

To peoples that sez I only hatin on the bisexshul communitee cause sum dude leff me for dick I sez SO FUCKOFFANMINE YUR OWN GODDAM BIDNESS!!! Its my show an I can hate on anywun I wunts. Strates is for Breedin an Gays are Gods popalashin control, which I get into laters in a season, but whats a Bisexshul do cept spred the clap an crotch lice? Keep yur pubix bugs, nassee bichiz!

S2 E14 Survivor

S2 E14 Survivor

Dem HBICs over at CBS needa put ya gal Lo on that Gilligum Iland show whar they votes off the week an the biggest bich wins. Well who a bigger bich an yars trooly? Ets rite, notta damn sole. An jess a note case yall Jew pradusers awarchin my HISIs, get ridda that Radempashun Iland shit cause its borin and stoop.

S2 E13 Celebrity Crushes

S2 E13 Celebrity Crushes

Did yall knowed it a fellany to sen pichers a yur tiddies to sunwun on the lines even if they covert in whip creme? WFT!??! I thank that needa be publix knowledge. Ennyway nuffathat nonsense. Yall enner up in my contess an lets say the top five dudes an I gitsa gether at the Sak n Sudz an react that Jodie Fosser movee scene cauze fuck some Luv, that bitch is dead to me.

S2 E12 Global Warming

S2 E12 Global Warming

Yall its time to face sum facks an realness that we doin to the Erf what Ike done did ta Tina. Awell, we all see who wunned that fite rite? Well I learned my lessun thar, an nex time I sees wun yall throwin garbidge outcher winder a yur trailor ar car ar even yew horse an buggy amish fukkers, ima rent me a limo, roll up behine ya an drag yur ass in far a high heel beatin a yur life!!! Damn I need a cocktail, yall got me stress agin.

S2 E11 Telemarketers

S2 E11 Telemarketers

Don't yall hate it when yew call up a cussmer surviss an gits somebody wiff a hinju accsent. How hell yew gonna serviss yer cussmers when yew cants pranounce good English? Bad enuff anytime I needs a hotel ar gas I gotta heers it! Eyeroll plus a dubble SMH, yall!

S2 E10 Gender Identity

S2 E10 Gender Identity

Im kinely fraid I mite loose sum my queer fans far this HISI, but I warn this heffer not to try an upstage me on my show. Maybe is all them whoremones bitch gotta take ta shrink up her pecker en ets why she meen. Word to wise, cracktrannys cayunts tell the differnce tween reel munny & play munny so if yew broke an feelin freeky, go get you sum!

An PS...fanky to my Gess Direkker, Sara Howard-Winebarger. Bich prolly scar for life affur what she saw, bless her hart.

S2 E9 2 Girls, 1 Cup

S2 E9 2 Girls, 1 Cup

Nassee, Plain ole walk in on yur parents fukkin kinda nassee. I thot this 2 gals inna cup wuz juss an urbun ledgin. Hell this a kinda thang they used ta stone people over. Sumwun needa sick Tippy Gore on these sicko bitchiz. Ima pray far them.

S2 E8 New Year's Eve

S2 E8 New Year's Eve

Yall, you rockin in yur new yeers rite by tooonin in ta more HISI. I thank mose aquantance shoods be furgot cause mose people borin as shit ennyway. Does yall? Ennyway rent still doo on the furss yew dedbeet fukers. Peace.

S2 E7 Hanukkah

S2 E7 Hanukkah

Shalom, SimSallaBim an all that Jewish Jazz, ya'll. We tryna be more global wiff ar holerday speshul this year. Hope yall Jews don't mine I gets inna spirit and dons me a YomKipper hat and ya'lls jew curls. Don't come tryna cicrumscrape me ya'll! LaKime! Long Live my Fiddler on the Roof Drankin Buddees!

S2 E6 National Organization For Marriage

S2 E6 National Organization For Marriage

Seems that ever genrayshun theys sum group in humankine gotsa deal with inquality in laws an how succiety treets a fella man. This centry, it the queers turn and case anywun wundrin, I got theys backs cause them fuckers luv ya girl Lo here. NOM is like a KKK wiffout no sheets!!!

S2 E5 Glee

S2 E5 Glee

Lord, seems yew cant swang yer tiddy wiffout hittin a gay-lesba-trangenert youngin on the TV these days. Whut kinda wurl is it when they lets grown wimins in a boys locker room, i dont care she they coach, full on dike ar not! Ohio a weerd place yall, everwun I knows frum there is kinely queer, kinely crazy an mose times boaf!

S2 E4 Michele Bachmann

S2 E4 Michele Bachmann

Yall now lets get seryuss cause its votin time agin an that means it a hole nuther yeer uv election hubabalooba we gotta endurr while yet agin nunna these muthereffers gonna actually do no work while they try an get Obama job...No matter the retults I thank wecan all ritely agree this heffer Ima discuss needa quit soon, she bout a fukken retard. Maryin a queer jussa pleeze God,Isware dumm wimenz...Ihate her horeface. Hell I votefor her if you got ta vote by puttin a brick in a sock and swang it at her heds! HEHEHEHEHEHEHhhh.

S2 E3 Zombies

S2 E3 Zombies

Yall can laff ats me now, but jess yall waiten see. I predicked it here furss thet zombeez gonna cum real not jess far in the movees neether. This where it pay ta be skinny yet again in lifes cause fatties be the furss wuns get ate up cause they slow and purvide lotsa zombee food while ressuvuss gets way. Hell maybe fatties good far sumthin afferall. HEH!

S2 E2 Football

S2 E2 Football

Hells yeah yall knows when the leevs fall an all its time to sellbrate the real sport pasttime, not no fuckin borin ass baseball, that aint reely a sport anyway if yew cant get kilt in it. Its football time an as yew can tell, I kinely excited far it! PS. Fuck u Steeelers, I hope yew have stillborn babees, far yew rapiss quarterback!!!

S2 E1 Gun Control

S2 E1 Gun Control

Yew ever herd a word 'You cant keepa good bich down?' Yeah Ima guessin whoever done cum in an shot me aint think to lern that wun. Lucky theys a mettle plate over my ticker frum when I's in the furss Gulf Oil War. Still, nunyall biches call 911 ar nuthin so yall fuck off far that. Still, reckun Lord let me live so I could brang more trooths to the wurl. Amens mutherfuckers.

S1 E33 Stalkers

S1 E33 Stalkers

The following footage was discovered by neighborhood children from a trailer park in Apple Springs, AR.

S1 E32 Justin Bieber

S1 E32 Justin Bieber

Yall evers notice thet the longer time marchez on the more gurls startin ta lookin like boys and boys dressin up like gurls an trannies gettin voted ta Prom Qween? We raisin kids in a gennerless suciety with these Jussin Beeber and Lady Gagas. Purty soon we aint gonna have no use for ar privets whichiz sad cuz I like my tiddies and my drankin buddies does too.

S1 E31 Racism

S1 E31 Racism

Lotta hate out thar in the wurl. I sware I thank it shood be illeegul ta use N words an the like, even if yous of that particular hate groop. I dont hayte on nowun cept if you ignurnt, then all you stoop bichez is fare game.

S1 E30 Hoarders

S1 E30 Hoarders

Yalls, we gots collecters en we gots nit pickers, uh, naw thet aint rite, uhhh 'pack ratters,' ets the wurd! Buts if yews got newspapers frum tha 80s stack up to yur ceelin, then yews prolly a horder. Sen me yur address sose i can lite yur house on far. Dont worry, ill wate til yew leeve furss.

S1 E29 Censorship

S1 E29 Censorship

Nuthin guess me more rile up than sumwun tryna tell me how ta talk an behayve an live my life. IT sez in tha Bill a Rites thet as Americans we can talk shit bout folk and if yyou dont like it, go ta hell ar liv in wun them cuntries where wimins gots ta ware sheets far clothes! N oh yeah I hates thet Pru bich.

S1 E28 Sex Education

S1 E28 Sex Education

Ya'll knows I aint no stranger to gettin my freak on. But theys rules, rules we gotta pass on to ar youngins. Folks say we shootnt talk sex to kids, an ta them I say ya'll livvin in a plasstik fuckin bubble. Betcha Sara Paylin wishiz she tawt old Brissle how to wrap a pekker, thets far dayum shur. Dum fuggin idgits!

S1 E27 Jersey Shore

S1 E27 Jersey Shore

Peeples say thet reeality shows is the downfall uv sussiety. Well they parently aint never seen thet soap opper, Jersee Shores! But I gots a cunnundrum, cant figger out if I wanna drank wit thet bitch Snewkie ar puncher in the face. Hell, maybe I'll do both!
(Guest Starring: Kellye Mitchell as 'Chrystal Bovene/Snooki')

S1 E26 Charlie Sheen

S1 E26 Charlie Sheen

Sense sumuvus aint yet got the bad taste uv Hot Shots Part Doo out uv our mouths still, lass thing we need is ol Charlee Sheen thankin he all that en a bag a shit. Yall tell me if yu thank Charlee is 'Winning!' ar 'Whining!' An if yu say Winning, well you a dum sumbich is all.

S1 E25 Saint Patrick's Day

S1 E25 Saint Patrick's Day

Obviusly ever holerday is far drankin, speshally if you got kinfolk aroun naggin ya an tearin ya down ta where ya wanna stab em in there trakeah. At lease there a holerday out thar that sellabrate this feelin. Yall herd a thet Irishh gal Erin GoBra? She aint got nuthin on Loretta GoBra-les!!

S1 E24 Roommates

S1 E24 Roommates

Yall I been thru a ringer when comes to livin sitchee-ashuns. Good thang they aint never foun thet body. I aint goin beck in the clank. You hears me? Jess if I lets you stays with me fur a nite or weeken, dont wake me up for noon, less you wanna eyefulla led pellets.

S1 E23 Valentine's Day

S1 E23 Valentine's Day

Luv is a lie. Im sicka boolshit holurdays ets juss about cards an candy and reely its juss abouts stoop women puttin out far men an men jess wantin one thing. Next time sumwun breaks up with me I get to brake a kneecap. Ets juss fare.

S1 E22 Friendship

S1 E22 Friendship

Shit I cunnit make it out to the shed far taday's Hisi. But I gotta queshern for yall, how cums we thanks we gots to have frens thatar cumpleet dummasses. Life aint no popalarity contess. If a fren or a bird or sumthin cum to you en you letter go and she dont cum back, well she wunnit yers to baginn with. Nuff sed.

S1 E21 Vegans

S1 E21 Vegans

Yall knows Im not reel fonda food but thet don meen I cayunt judge uthers far whut they eet. Ets my Chrishun rite. These flowery skiny-hippied dum sumbich vegums is juss vegetarians thet wunts more atenshun. Try en not pay em any mind evin if they do all smells like armpits en pine trees.

S1 E20 Christine O'Donnell

S1 E20 Christine O'Donnell

Ya knows we gots ar fare share uv ijits runnin this cuntry and ever so offen we gets lucky and wun uv em looses. Dis dum Delware gal dun put the stoop in stoopid.

S1 E19 Christmas (feat. 'The 12 Days Of HISI')

S1 E19 Christmas (feat. 'The 12 Days Of HISI')

I knows yall thanks I would be a grinch come Crissmus time, but reely, you can be as drunk as you wunt durrin the Holurdays an nowun bats an eye. They simpathatize. An I likes Crissmus musik cuz theys the only songs I can member tha leeriks to. Oh an Happee Hawnikuh to my Jewiss drankin buddees out thar!

S1 E18 It Gets Better

S1 E18 It Gets Better

Im sicka boolleez yall. Folks pickin on the week an homo an ennything differnt. Sumwuns gotta takes a stans to theez boolleez.Yall queers needs to ban tagether with yur gay frenlies an fites back!

S1 E17 Harry Potter

S1 E17 Harry Potter

I aint havin a lotta luck this yeer when goin to the moovees. Ets why I just downlode shit illegal off the internets. Whys I gotta pay iffin I don't like the moovee, answer thet! If it sucks, thets same as robbin me uv tikkit price, beer ta make it thru all three hours en gas ta git over thar. Wunner if I ken soo thet Hary Potter writer womun, she gots plenny a munny. Maybee Ill putta spell on her.

S1 E16 Sleep Deprivation

S1 E16 Sleep Deprivation

Yall knows how in middle of the munths I run outta munny? Well hears whut happen last munth. Oh an yall tells me if wun uv yuns knows a Jamie from thet collige over thar. I seems to be missin my good drawers. I need thems back, they gots my Burt Rennolds signachur on em.

S1 E15 Halloween

S1 E15 Halloween

I figger its time fur a holurday speshul so i pick Hallerween cuz its Oktoberfest time. i foun out layter thet theeres no sucha thang as caneed zanex. its a spooky edishun uv my show but i wuz drugged up by Fedex. Can i soo fur thet?
RIP bloo smurf thangy

S1 E14 Paris Hilton

S1 E14 Paris Hilton

This overprivlige bich thank she so hawt. I relly cant stan this stoop bich. Aint she gotta even uglyer twin er sumthin? Ennyway tos this bich inna slammer with thet Linsee en let these dumasses kill each uther. Ima only stay inna HoJo frum now on. They prolly got beds bugs. Yall I gotta joke. If you getta blowjob frum Paris iz it calld Hiltonhed? HEh! heh. Jesus take this lamm home, aymen.

S1 E13 Haircare

S1 E13 Haircare

Hey drankin buddeez, thits my furst ever bownus vidya! Knuckle knocks all around. Yall knowz I getz free beer fur these? I gots for wurds far ya, "Betty Ford wuz week." Why we all gotta suffar for wun bich cayunt hole her likker?!?

S1 E12 Mormons

S1 E12 Mormons

Yootaw iz got to be a fuckin land a make-baleev! Marmuns is sum crazy ass wayward sheeps. How can yu live without alkeehol and ciggerets? Thets bordarline unaMerican. Ima send this kult sum Koolade after I lissens to me sum Donny Marie. Theys my Marmun uxsepshun.

S1 E11 Anorexia

S1 E11 Anorexia

Ya'll Ima bout famuss. I gots three new ledders in my malebox! This ones bout sum skiny bich over Texarkana way. Yall bullees ovr thar best to wach out. i ainta fraid ta ride to yur town and fuk yur fases up iffin you pik on wun uv my drankin buddees agin!

S1 E10 Cat Turd Coffee

S1 E10 Cat Turd Coffee

Now hears sum sik shits, yall. I wont you to member this HISI next time you go to tha Starbuks. My drankin buddy Shooter sez thet cawfee tase like shit, well Ima guessin he gots hold of summa this javva.

S1 E9 American Idol

S1 E9 American Idol

Now, thaint nothin real bout this realitty show. I dids me some reserch and its time sumwun let this fuckin cat out the bag! Amercan Idol is sum bullshit! How dumm you sunsabitches need to be that thanks this fake ass show is the real deel? You prolly stoop as them dum tone def fuckers that they makes fun uv fur shitty awdishuns!

S1 E8 Angelina Jolie

S1 E8 Angelina Jolie

So I wuz awachin that thar show Horders, ya'll seens that? I thank they needs to git thet Anjerleenuh Jo Lee on that show cuz she hordin youngins. I like to git her an thet John an Kate bich an thet Brady Bunch bich an them Dugger igits an calls the law on em. May be I'll git sum cummishun frum Kathee Lee when the swetshop cums to pik em up.

S1 E7 Jet Blue Flight

S1 E7 Jet Blue Flight

Ya'll herd bout this dumass flite tendent frum Jet Blues? I wish Ida been on that thar plane, Ida showed this nelly cracker how yous really sposed to quit yer job. He prolly tried ta get up on that Mile High club with sum big ass mofo an got his queer ass beet!

S1 E6 Twilight

S1 E6 Twilight

Ya'll seen that saga movee 'Twilite?' Can wun of ya'lls get me back them two howrs of my life? Shit, that ain't no good vampur movee. I says them Dark Shadders is better, I wants to stab that Bella bich in the ear.

S1 E5 Gay Marriage

S1 E5 Gay Marriage

This heres anuther commentarie ov political contravershul ov the Gay Marrages. Help me wit this cuz im confuse bout why gays wanna marrys each uther. Ima be singul forever, hell yes. But if they wanna be misrable like strate folks, I say let em!

S1 E4 Homophobia

S1 E4 Homophobia

This is my theery bout whys strate mens hates the queer mens. Ya'll homafobagul. Ur wives r stoopid fer not knowin theys marryin a faggit. Servs em rite, i hates stoop biches.

S1 E3 Beauty Tips

S1 E3 Beauty Tips

This iz the furst letter I am rispondin to ov from letters sum ov my fans has sent me. THis ones bout helfcare, plastickal surgries and how to beats the farmasutical bizness at they own game. It never get old when people tells me how purdy I am yall so make sure to tell me.

S1 E2 Lindsay Lohan

S1 E2 Lindsay Lohan

In this secund installments of 'How I Seize It", I let the wurld kno what i think ov Miss Linsee Lohan, Bich better stay out my trailer park for she knows whas good fur her. Haf fun in jail, dumass!

S1 E1 Illegal Immigration

S1 E1 Illegal Immigration

This is the furst epasode uv 'How I Seize It" starring me, Loretta Jenkins. This just my spin on the wurld. Ima talk on all thet contravershul ilegal alien nonsense.

S1 E1 Illegal Immigration

S1 E1 Illegal Immigration

  • Aired: Tuesday June 21, 2011
  • This is the furst epasode uv 'How I Seize It" starring me, Loretta Jenkins. This just my spin on the wurld. Ima talk on all thet contravershul ilegal alien nonsense.

S1 E2 Lindsay Lohan

S1 E2 Lindsay Lohan

  • Aired: Tuesday June 28, 2011
  • In this secund installments of 'How I Seize It", I let the wurld kno what i think ov Miss Linsee Lohan, Bich better stay out my trailer park for she knows whas good fur her. Haf fun in jail, dumass!

S1 E3 Beauty Tips

S1 E3 Beauty Tips

  • Aired: Tuesday July 05, 2011
  • This iz the furst letter I am rispondin to ov from letters sum ov my fans has sent me. THis ones bout helfcare, plastickal surgries and how to beats the farmasutical bizness at they own game. It never get old when people tells me how purdy I am yall so make sure to tell me.

S1 E4 Homophobia

S1 E4 Homophobia

  • Aired: Tuesday July 12, 2011
  • This is my theery bout whys strate mens hates the queer mens. Ya'll homafobagul. Ur wives r stoopid fer not knowin theys marryin a faggit. Servs em rite, i hates stoop biches.

S1 E5 Gay Marriage

S1 E5 Gay Marriage

  • Aired: Tuesday July 19, 2011
  • This heres anuther commentarie ov political contravershul ov the Gay Marrages. Help me wit this cuz im confuse bout why gays wanna marrys each uther. Ima be singul forever, hell yes. But if they wanna be misrable like strate folks, I say let em!

S1 E6 Twilight

S1 E6 Twilight

  • Aired: Tuesday July 26, 2011
  • Ya'll seen that saga movee 'Twilite?' Can wun of ya'lls get me back them two howrs of my life? Shit, that ain't no good vampur movee. I says them Dark Shadders is better, I wants to stab that Bella bich in the ear.

S1 E7 Jet Blue Flight

S1 E7 Jet Blue Flight

  • Aired: Tuesday August 02, 2011
  • Ya'll herd bout this dumass flite tendent frum Jet Blues? I wish Ida been on that thar plane, Ida showed this nelly cracker how yous really sposed to quit yer job. He prolly tried ta get up on that Mile High club with sum big ass mofo an got his queer ass beet!

S1 E8 Angelina Jolie

S1 E8 Angelina Jolie

  • Aired: Tuesday August 09, 2011
  • So I wuz awachin that thar show Horders, ya'll seens that? I thank they needs to git thet Anjerleenuh Jo Lee on that show cuz she hordin youngins. I like to git her an thet John an Kate bich an thet Brady Bunch bich an them Dugger igits an calls the law on em. May be I'll git sum cummishun frum Kathee Lee when the swetshop cums to pik em up.

S1 E9 American Idol

S1 E9 American Idol

  • Aired: Tuesday August 16, 2011
  • Now, thaint nothin real bout this realitty show. I dids me some reserch and its time sumwun let this fuckin cat out the bag! Amercan Idol is sum bullshit! How dumm you sunsabitches need to be that thanks this fake ass show is the real deel? You prolly stoop as them dum tone def fuckers that they makes fun uv fur shitty awdishuns!

S1 E10 Cat Turd Coffee

S1 E10 Cat Turd Coffee

  • Aired: Tuesday August 23, 2011
  • Now hears sum sik shits, yall. I wont you to member this HISI next time you go to tha Starbuks. My drankin buddy Shooter sez thet cawfee tase like shit, well Ima guessin he gots hold of summa this javva.

S1 E11 Anorexia

S1 E11 Anorexia

  • Aired: Tuesday August 30, 2011
  • Ya'll Ima bout famuss. I gots three new ledders in my malebox! This ones bout sum skiny bich over Texarkana way. Yall bullees ovr thar best to wach out. i ainta fraid ta ride to yur town and fuk yur fases up iffin you pik on wun uv my drankin buddees agin!

S1 E12 Mormons

S1 E12 Mormons

  • Aired: Tuesday September 06, 2011
  • Yootaw iz got to be a fuckin land a make-baleev! Marmuns is sum crazy ass wayward sheeps. How can yu live without alkeehol and ciggerets? Thets bordarline unaMerican. Ima send this kult sum Koolade after I lissens to me sum Donny Marie. Theys my Marmun uxsepshun.

S1 E13 Haircare

S1 E13 Haircare

  • Aired: Tuesday September 13, 2011
  • Hey drankin buddeez, thits my furst ever bownus vidya! Knuckle knocks all around. Yall knowz I getz free beer fur these? I gots for wurds far ya, "Betty Ford wuz week." Why we all gotta suffar for wun bich cayunt hole her likker?!?

S1 E14 Paris Hilton

S1 E14 Paris Hilton

  • Aired: Tuesday September 20, 2011
  • This overprivlige bich thank she so hawt. I relly cant stan this stoop bich. Aint she gotta even uglyer twin er sumthin? Ennyway tos this bich inna slammer with thet Linsee en let these dumasses kill each uther. Ima only stay inna HoJo frum now on. They prolly got beds bugs. Yall I gotta joke. If you getta blowjob frum Paris iz it calld Hiltonhed? HEh! heh. Jesus take this lamm home, aymen.

S1 E15 Halloween

S1 E15 Halloween

  • Aired: Tuesday September 27, 2011
  • I figger its time fur a holurday speshul so i pick Hallerween cuz its Oktoberfest time. i foun out layter thet theeres no sucha thang as caneed zanex. its a spooky edishun uv my show but i wuz drugged up by Fedex. Can i soo fur thet?
    RIP bloo smurf thangy

S1 E16 Sleep Deprivation

S1 E16 Sleep Deprivation

  • Aired: Tuesday October 04, 2011
  • Yall knows how in middle of the munths I run outta munny? Well hears whut happen last munth. Oh an yall tells me if wun uv yuns knows a Jamie from thet collige over thar. I seems to be missin my good drawers. I need thems back, they gots my Burt Rennolds signachur on em.

S1 E17 Harry Potter

S1 E17 Harry Potter

  • Aired: Tuesday October 11, 2011
  • I aint havin a lotta luck this yeer when goin to the moovees. Ets why I just downlode shit illegal off the internets. Whys I gotta pay iffin I don't like the moovee, answer thet! If it sucks, thets same as robbin me uv tikkit price, beer ta make it thru all three hours en gas ta git over thar. Wunner if I ken soo thet Hary Potter writer womun, she gots plenny a munny. Maybee Ill putta spell on her.

S1 E18 It Gets Better

S1 E18 It Gets Better

  • Aired: Tuesday October 18, 2011
  • Im sicka boolleez yall. Folks pickin on the week an homo an ennything differnt. Sumwuns gotta takes a stans to theez boolleez.Yall queers needs to ban tagether with yur gay frenlies an fites back!

S1 E19 Christmas (feat. 'The 12 Days Of HISI')

S1 E19 Christmas (feat. 'The 12 Days Of HISI')

  • Aired: Tuesday October 25, 2011
  • I knows yall thanks I would be a grinch come Crissmus time, but reely, you can be as drunk as you wunt durrin the Holurdays an nowun bats an eye. They simpathatize. An I likes Crissmus musik cuz theys the only songs I can member tha leeriks to. Oh an Happee Hawnikuh to my Jewiss drankin buddees out thar!

S1 E20 Christine O'Donnell

S1 E20 Christine O'Donnell

  • Aired: Tuesday November 01, 2011
  • Ya knows we gots ar fare share uv ijits runnin this cuntry and ever so offen we gets lucky and wun uv em looses. Dis dum Delware gal dun put the stoop in stoopid.

S1 E21 Vegans

S1 E21 Vegans

  • Aired: Tuesday November 08, 2011
  • Yall knows Im not reel fonda food but thet don meen I cayunt judge uthers far whut they eet. Ets my Chrishun rite. These flowery skiny-hippied dum sumbich vegums is juss vegetarians thet wunts more atenshun. Try en not pay em any mind evin if they do all smells like armpits en pine trees.

S1 E22 Friendship

S1 E22 Friendship

  • Aired: Tuesday November 15, 2011
  • Shit I cunnit make it out to the shed far taday's Hisi. But I gotta queshern for yall, how cums we thanks we gots to have frens thatar cumpleet dummasses. Life aint no popalarity contess. If a fren or a bird or sumthin cum to you en you letter go and she dont cum back, well she wunnit yers to baginn with. Nuff sed.

S1 E24 Roommates

S1 E24 Roommates

  • Aired: Tuesday November 29, 2011
  • Yall I been thru a ringer when comes to livin sitchee-ashuns. Good thang they aint never foun thet body. I aint goin beck in the clank. You hears me? Jess if I lets you stays with me fur a nite or weeken, dont wake me up for noon, less you wanna eyefulla led pellets.

S1 E23 Valentine's Day

S1 E23 Valentine's Day

  • Aired: Tuesday November 29, 2011
  • Luv is a lie. Im sicka boolshit holurdays ets juss about cards an candy and reely its juss abouts stoop women puttin out far men an men jess wantin one thing. Next time sumwun breaks up with me I get to brake a kneecap. Ets juss fare.

S1 E25 Saint Patrick's Day

S1 E25 Saint Patrick's Day

  • Aired: Tuesday December 06, 2011
  • Obviusly ever holerday is far drankin, speshally if you got kinfolk aroun naggin ya an tearin ya down ta where ya wanna stab em in there trakeah. At lease there a holerday out thar that sellabrate this feelin. Yall herd a thet Irishh gal Erin GoBra? She aint got nuthin on Loretta GoBra-les!!

S1 E26 Charlie Sheen

S1 E26 Charlie Sheen

  • Aired: Tuesday December 13, 2011
  • Sense sumuvus aint yet got the bad taste uv Hot Shots Part Doo out uv our mouths still, lass thing we need is ol Charlee Sheen thankin he all that en a bag a shit. Yall tell me if yu thank Charlee is 'Winning!' ar 'Whining!' An if yu say Winning, well you a dum sumbich is all.

S1 E27 Jersey Shore

S1 E27 Jersey Shore

  • Aired: Tuesday December 20, 2011
  • Peeples say thet reeality shows is the downfall uv sussiety. Well they parently aint never seen thet soap opper, Jersee Shores! But I gots a cunnundrum, cant figger out if I wanna drank wit thet bitch Snewkie ar puncher in the face. Hell, maybe I'll do both!
    (Guest Starring: Kellye Mitchell as 'Chrystal Bovene/Snooki')

S1 E30 Hoarders

S1 E30 Hoarders

  • Aired: Tuesday December 27, 2011
  • Yalls, we gots collecters en we gots nit pickers, uh, naw thet aint rite, uhhh 'pack ratters,' ets the wurd! Buts if yews got newspapers frum tha 80s stack up to yur ceelin, then yews prolly a horder. Sen me yur address sose i can lite yur house on far. Dont worry, ill wate til yew leeve furss.

S1 E29 Censorship

S1 E29 Censorship

  • Aired: Tuesday December 27, 2011
  • Nuthin guess me more rile up than sumwun tryna tell me how ta talk an behayve an live my life. IT sez in tha Bill a Rites thet as Americans we can talk shit bout folk and if yyou dont like it, go ta hell ar liv in wun them cuntries where wimins gots ta ware sheets far clothes! N oh yeah I hates thet Pru bich.

S1 E28 Sex Education

S1 E28 Sex Education

  • Aired: Tuesday December 27, 2011
  • Ya'll knows I aint no stranger to gettin my freak on. But theys rules, rules we gotta pass on to ar youngins. Folks say we shootnt talk sex to kids, an ta them I say ya'll livvin in a plasstik fuckin bubble. Betcha Sara Paylin wishiz she tawt old Brissle how to wrap a pekker, thets far dayum shur. Dum fuggin idgits!

S1 E33 Stalkers

S1 E33 Stalkers

  • Aired: Tuesday January 03, 2012
  • The following footage was discovered by neighborhood children from a trailer park in Apple Springs, AR.

S1 E32 Justin Bieber

S1 E32 Justin Bieber

  • Aired: Tuesday January 03, 2012
  • Yall evers notice thet the longer time marchez on the more gurls startin ta lookin like boys and boys dressin up like gurls an trannies gettin voted ta Prom Qween? We raisin kids in a gennerless suciety with these Jussin Beeber and Lady Gagas. Purty soon we aint gonna have no use for ar privets whichiz sad cuz I like my tiddies and my drankin buddies does too.

S1 E31 Racism

S1 E31 Racism

  • Aired: Tuesday January 03, 2012
  • Lotta hate out thar in the wurl. I sware I thank it shood be illeegul ta use N words an the like, even if yous of that particular hate groop. I dont hayte on nowun cept if you ignurnt, then all you stoop bichez is fare game.

S2 E1 Gun Control

S2 E1 Gun Control

  • Aired: Tuesday February 28, 2012
  • Yew ever herd a word 'You cant keepa good bich down?' Yeah Ima guessin whoever done cum in an shot me aint think to lern that wun. Lucky theys a mettle plate over my ticker frum when I's in the furss Gulf Oil War. Still, nunyall biches call 911 ar nuthin so yall fuck off far that. Still, reckun Lord let me live so I could brang more trooths to the wurl. Amens mutherfuckers.

S2 E2 Football

S2 E2 Football

  • Aired: Tuesday March 06, 2012
  • Hells yeah yall knows when the leevs fall an all its time to sellbrate the real sport pasttime, not no fuckin borin ass baseball, that aint reely a sport anyway if yew cant get kilt in it. Its football time an as yew can tell, I kinely excited far it! PS. Fuck u Steeelers, I hope yew have stillborn babees, far yew rapiss quarterback!!!

S2 E3 Zombies

S2 E3 Zombies

  • Aired: Tuesday March 13, 2012
  • Yall can laff ats me now, but jess yall waiten see. I predicked it here furss thet zombeez gonna cum real not jess far in the movees neether. This where it pay ta be skinny yet again in lifes cause fatties be the furss wuns get ate up cause they slow and purvide lotsa zombee food while ressuvuss gets way. Hell maybe fatties good far sumthin afferall. HEH!

S2 E4 Michele Bachmann

S2 E4 Michele Bachmann

  • Aired: Tuesday March 20, 2012
  • Yall now lets get seryuss cause its votin time agin an that means it a hole nuther yeer uv election hubabalooba we gotta endurr while yet agin nunna these muthereffers gonna actually do no work while they try an get Obama job...No matter the retults I thank wecan all ritely agree this heffer Ima discuss needa quit soon, she bout a fukken retard. Maryin a queer jussa pleeze God,Isware dumm wimenz...Ihate her horeface. Hell I votefor her if you got ta vote by puttin a brick in a sock and swang it at her heds! HEHEHEHEHEHEHhhh.

S2 E5 Glee

S2 E5 Glee

  • Aired: Tuesday March 27, 2012
  • Lord, seems yew cant swang yer tiddy wiffout hittin a gay-lesba-trangenert youngin on the TV these days. Whut kinda wurl is it when they lets grown wimins in a boys locker room, i dont care she they coach, full on dike ar not! Ohio a weerd place yall, everwun I knows frum there is kinely queer, kinely crazy an mose times boaf!

S2 E6 National Organization For Marriage

S2 E6 National Organization For Marriage

  • Aired: Tuesday April 03, 2012
  • Seems that ever genrayshun theys sum group in humankine gotsa deal with inquality in laws an how succiety treets a fella man. This centry, it the queers turn and case anywun wundrin, I got theys backs cause them fuckers luv ya girl Lo here. NOM is like a KKK wiffout no sheets!!!

S2 E7 Hanukkah

S2 E7 Hanukkah

  • Aired: Tuesday April 10, 2012
  • Shalom, SimSallaBim an all that Jewish Jazz, ya'll. We tryna be more global wiff ar holerday speshul this year. Hope yall Jews don't mine I gets inna spirit and dons me a YomKipper hat and ya'lls jew curls. Don't come tryna cicrumscrape me ya'll! LaKime! Long Live my Fiddler on the Roof Drankin Buddees!

S2 E8 New Year's Eve

S2 E8 New Year's Eve

  • Aired: Tuesday April 17, 2012
  • Yall, you rockin in yur new yeers rite by tooonin in ta more HISI. I thank mose aquantance shoods be furgot cause mose people borin as shit ennyway. Does yall? Ennyway rent still doo on the furss yew dedbeet fukers. Peace.

S2 E9 2 Girls, 1 Cup

S2 E9 2 Girls, 1 Cup

  • Aired: Tuesday April 24, 2012
  • Nassee, Plain ole walk in on yur parents fukkin kinda nassee. I thot this 2 gals inna cup wuz juss an urbun ledgin. Hell this a kinda thang they used ta stone people over. Sumwun needa sick Tippy Gore on these sicko bitchiz. Ima pray far them.

S2 E10 Gender Identity

S2 E10 Gender Identity

  • Aired: Tuesday May 01, 2012
  • Im kinely fraid I mite loose sum my queer fans far this HISI, but I warn this heffer not to try an upstage me on my show. Maybe is all them whoremones bitch gotta take ta shrink up her pecker en ets why she meen. Word to wise, cracktrannys cayunts tell the differnce tween reel munny & play munny so if yew broke an feelin freeky, go get you sum!

    An PS...fanky to my Gess Direkker, Sara Howard-Winebarger. Bich prolly scar for life affur what she saw, bless her hart.

S2 E11 Telemarketers

S2 E11 Telemarketers

  • Aired: Tuesday May 08, 2012
  • Don't yall hate it when yew call up a cussmer surviss an gits somebody wiff a hinju accsent. How hell yew gonna serviss yer cussmers when yew cants pranounce good English? Bad enuff anytime I needs a hotel ar gas I gotta heers it! Eyeroll plus a dubble SMH, yall!

S2 E12 Global Warming

S2 E12 Global Warming

  • Aired: Tuesday May 15, 2012
  • Yall its time to face sum facks an realness that we doin to the Erf what Ike done did ta Tina. Awell, we all see who wunned that fite rite? Well I learned my lessun thar, an nex time I sees wun yall throwin garbidge outcher winder a yur trailor ar car ar even yew horse an buggy amish fukkers, ima rent me a limo, roll up behine ya an drag yur ass in far a high heel beatin a yur life!!! Damn I need a cocktail, yall got me stress agin.

S2 E13 Celebrity Crushes

S2 E13 Celebrity Crushes

  • Aired: Tuesday May 22, 2012
  • Did yall knowed it a fellany to sen pichers a yur tiddies to sunwun on the lines even if they covert in whip creme? WFT!??! I thank that needa be publix knowledge. Ennyway nuffathat nonsense. Yall enner up in my contess an lets say the top five dudes an I gitsa gether at the Sak n Sudz an react that Jodie Fosser movee scene cauze fuck some Luv, that bitch is dead to me.

S2 E14 Survivor

S2 E14 Survivor

  • Aired: Tuesday May 29, 2012
  • Dem HBICs over at CBS needa put ya gal Lo on that Gilligum Iland show whar they votes off the week an the biggest bich wins. Well who a bigger bich an yars trooly? Ets rite, notta damn sole. An jess a note case yall Jew pradusers awarchin my HISIs, get ridda that Radempashun Iland shit cause its borin and stoop.

S2 E15 BiSexuals

S2 E15 BiSexuals

  • Aired: Tuesday June 05, 2012
  • To peoples that sez I only hatin on the bisexshul communitee cause sum dude leff me for dick I sez SO FUCKOFFANMINE YUR OWN GODDAM BIDNESS!!! Its my show an I can hate on anywun I wunts. Strates is for Breedin an Gays are Gods popalashin control, which I get into laters in a season, but whats a Bisexshul do cept spred the clap an crotch lice? Keep yur pubix bugs, nassee bichiz!

S2 E16 The Economy

S2 E16 The Economy

  • Aired: Tuesday June 12, 2012
  • it off ol Obammers' back mans, cause lass time we hadda depreshin we hadda have a presdent far twelve year or sumthin like et ta fix et shit up. I thank I mite go backs to stripin cause they cant tax my munny cause only I counts my sangles an cause fads cum an goes and the ecominy ebbs and flows, but pussy is always poplar. An I thank it unfar yew cant use coupons far beet, that prejudiss ginst those of use who dont eets.

S2 E17 Kim Kardashian

S2 E17 Kim Kardashian

  • Aired: Tuesday June 19, 2012
  • If yall lets yur little wuns warch enny show wiff dis hore on it, well yew only gonna have yerself ablame when yew a granny in yur thirdies. She aint nothin but trash, pure trash whats family from some albina afferca-middle eese-lesbyana cuntry et raise they wimins ta be harem hores. Prolly hadda flee they home cuntry cause thet fat sisser a'hers needed ta drop a hunnert pounds less the goverment gonna take her ta markit. SMH BruceJenner, yew aint no Wheeties Box no more, yew look like a ken doll wiffa extra cromasone.