Poncho and Hannibal King wake up in a mysterious place... it's not long before blood and guts are swinging from the rafters as they attempt to unravel the puzzle.
Stabbed, punched and lusting for a sandwich... Tim Helsing, MONSTER HUNTER, becomes stuck in Epic Mode. Cue the music. Cue the montage. Cue Hannibal King getting his dick kicked right off.
Catholic Elle and Muslim Kamal have marital advice for their best friends, but maybe no one should be listening to them - ever.
I figurt since yall mist me cuz sum cunt posin as the Lord sents me on hiatiss, I'd git gussied up and fancyfy my seesum prameer! Yall notiss that here, much like et shitshow Twilite, we gots cuzzins marryin and fukkin an aint nobody suthern or cuncern that lotsa times imbred babees ends up tardit. Welcum back DBs!
Legendary MONSTER HUNTER and office worker Tim Helsing faces his most insane challenge yet. Floor after floor of vampire, familiar and crazed. Blood, battles and biscuits!
Elle and Kamal continue to resolve problems the way God intended for good Catholics and Muslims - until Kamal discovers the Catholics have an out.
After a second season full of change, season three begins with a rebalancing as our intrepid zombloggers continue their survival with plenty more zombie killing and random misadventures, but a few surprises are waiting on the horizon as Miles reveals something he has managed to keep quiet, or just forgot to mention, since the zombie apocalypse took hold.
Man, I hadda eet sum vodker-soaked watermellun jess to have somethin to throw up affer hearin on this toddler-molessin scannal! To hell wiff skool rivaries, we can all jess git along an ban together in our commun hatrid of these cornholin' idgit sickos! They shood make them play without pads so my team kin put the hurt on!
Richard Timmons, filmmaker and white knight of the internet, catches up with the gang to find out how life's changed since Tim's extraordinary transformation.
After Elle's confession, Kamal decides Father Bobby shouldn't be doling out forgiveness until he hears his side of the story, or - as Kamal likes to call it - "the truth."
Miles, Tony and Hannah set out on a quest to find a cure for the zombie infection, new flatmate Charlotte has picked up a nasty bite from a zombie child and there's no time to waste. Via a lucky DeLorean car find and a machine that goes ping and seems to lead them somewhere useful, they come to a mysterious facility full of terrible secrets... And zombies!
They say a troo frens work is never dun. Well, I aint much for frens but I gotta warch out for my impreshnable yung faggits out there, like my DB Stephon here. Yall chime ins. Is this frenly innervenshun therapy ar juss plain ole cock abuse? "Stay gay, faggits. Stay gay!"
Kamal would like a home-cooked meal. Elle would like a drink.
Miles, Tony, Hannah and deranged and bitten new housemate Charlotte find themselves in the creepiest and scariest Paranormal Activity / Resident Evil knock-off yet as they scope out the secretive underground facility for a cure to Charlotte's soon to be fatal zombie bite, and find far more than they were looking for.
Kamal discovers the benefits of getting his American wife drunk.
Two part double header! The story so far... Charlotte got bitten by a zombie, Miles and Tony think they found a cure, Hannah's a ninja and ran off with the cure for some reason, leaving Charlotte puking blood and about to get zombified. One terrifying car crash and some zombies later, will things start getting back to normal in this apocalypse?
BOO, MOTHERFUKERS! Yall knowed I got these too spirit biches hauntin my noggin, but tonite, Ima try and resureck fur a talk wiff the bichiest ded cunt I knowed, my whore Momma. It juss fur a drank recipe, I ain't tryna have a moshunal brakethru ar nuttin.
Yall laff but obversly folks needs to be heedin my warnins and premanishurns cause I tole yew zombees is a'comin'! Stoop fuckin' junkees jess roonin' mankine. Don't yew know only body part whats spose ta get eaten is pussy! DURRRR!
Muslim Kamal and Catholic Elle go to a Jewish wedding and realize their faiths have been missing out.
American Elle thinks there are certain things her Pakistani Muslim husband just can't say - but she'll say them.
PARTY TIME! With Charlotte cured from her child zombie bite, the web bloggers kick back on the farm, settle their grievances, get drunk, act stupid and celebrate Tonyís 30th birthday, no mean feat in the time of the apocalypse. But will it be a happy occasion or will some zombie turn up to try and eat Tony's birthday braaaaaaaaaaiinnnnnsssss?
So ever for yeers ar so, we parade a buncha hot air polatisherns an vote on who gits the power to blow the planit to smivereens. Man, aint nobody can fix 250 sum odd yeers of fuckups. I thank I mites move to Norweegia. Whose wit me?
American Catholic Elle is perfectly comfortable with her outfit - but her Pakistani Muslim husband, Kamal, is not.
The big finish! After two brains, blood and gore soaked years of zombie apocalypse web blogging, the end is finally nigh... Who, if anyone, will be left standing? Will Tony find himself on a mysterious Lost-style island? Will someone end up standing in the corner in Blair Witch night vision? Will any of these questions have any relevance to the episode?
Taint like me boycottin a ressarant what don't serve no likker gonna do a hole hella good, but that aint the pointa bitchin now, is it DBs? Yew got ever Constatooshunal rites to choose or not wherefur as an American cunsoomer yew spens yur munny. Send it ta me! I luv queers!!!
Orange is a ugly culler an pilgrims was homely folks so why we cellabate this day then? Well, without 'Ol Whitey massackrin all the RedMens, then SHAZAM, Americas was bornt! Troo story. I tell ya what, if I was Injun I'd be thanksful far two thangs: my permanent tan and my share in the locull casino. Cha-ching!!!
Elle and Kamal are inviting you over for brunch - with the in-laws!
Crack, booze, ciggys, nudie cable...They all addickive sustances what's contributin' to the downgradin of ar sussciety. Now we got this App what turns us all into soshully addicked attenshun whores. Goddamn, sumwun pull my trigger now, cause we all dun far.
Elle convinces Kamal that lying to get out of a boring Independence Day barbecue is as American as apple pie.
When dealing with in-laws, married couples need to know the art of compromise. They also need to develop quick reflexes.
Ma eyes! Ma eyes! Sick an gross yall, an I aint talking fur wunce accidently catchin a glipse of Mamaw in the shower over yonder. I mean theys jess sum thangs in this wurld I's at a complete loss over and that is Eatin'. Now, Eatin' fur a CONTESS?? That's plum tardit.
Elle and Kamal's moms negotiate a peace treaty at the only Mothers' Day brunch approved by the U.N. (OK, maybe "approved" is a strong word).
Virgens are loosers and don't never let nobody ever tell ya utherwise. If ya don't git good at sex early on aint nobody gonna wanna brake yew in an if yew awful in bed, they jess gonna cheet on ya anyways thems juss the facts of life. Anywun tell yew different jess a liar an can't be trusted an likely ain't a good sex ed source a info affer all.
He go by menny a name: Kris Krinkle, Jack Fross, Misser Johnson in a Sanny soot from Momma's bridge club a few times that I'd let sniff my pannies in schange for sneekin me sum eggnog. Lemme tell ya THAT was one Jolly Ol St Nick! Enyhoo, Joy to the Wurl yall!
When Kamal fails to include her in his Friday night plans, Elle literally "makes" some new friends to fill the hours. This couldn't possibly backfire, right?
Kamal likes Elle's new hobby until it becomes frustrating - very, very frustrating.
No fence ta Betty White cuz I know she sportin a biggun far aminals, but goddamn yall we gots to draw the line somewhars! We gotta have sumthin ta tess medicines an beauty producks on what are yew gonna volunteer? An lissin PETA paint thrower, I got my innernet back on an Ima google yur address and come cut yur brake! Look, until huntin legal an meet git outlaw- HEY OMG I bet PETA taints ar meet supplies an started all dat mad cow madness! I tell yew whut if anywunya can gits me a coat a Linsee Loham skin, I ware dat on a upcomin episode...long as yew warsh it furss cuz iont wanna catch nuffins.
Ever wunce in a wile there come a movee so daggum awful it make yew ponder, 'I wunner how menny starvin kids coulda got fed wiff this big budgit flick?' Then yew member Hell iont care bout foodless youngins! I been hongry since '78, yew don't heer my skinny ass a'bitchin!
Deer Roy Akins frum over thar in Misurrah. Sumwun needa shuv a dickshunary strate up yur choklit whizway an relern yew the defanishern a rape! Ima git me a piggy faggit to pin yew down while a buncha his buddees fist-fuck yew into nex week. So glad yew loss yur leckshun!
The sexiest laid plans of mice and married men oft go awry...
Now sumwun splain to me what so ennertainin bout dis shit, huh? Maybe dis the age I start gettin too old fur the shit dats cool, is that it? AN what langwidge that is, it aint really catchy. Dat muss be wut klingon sound like, dem Asians love them some star TRex. OPPA STOOP VIDEO!
Yew herda one hit wonders? Well, Taylor Swiff shooda been a NONE hit wunder! Man wun can only hope she goze the way a Tiffany an Debbie Gibsum. Nex time her song cum on the radio if sumwun be so kine as to drive a metal stake thru my skull earlobe to earlobe, thatd be juss peachy keen, K? Fanks.
Here whut on the table mens...We can fuck or...well Iont know what much else is dare? Don't ask me furra date cuz I don't date. Mose yew can hope for is yew git me so fucked up I cant member yew from one day to the nex, I mite could loosely call that a relashunship. Im reely too much whore for one man.
Ladees an Gentmens, we has reeched that time in hissury fortole by ar forefathers, we have declared a functionally tarded imbred famlee cenner of attenshun an that has brot forf the decline uv the western civalashun. Spoze Jesus come back to fite the zombies soon. I hope they telvize dat. If I turn Ima chew dis Honey Boo Boo porker ass off.
Do you heer the people sing? Well hell yeah I did, ass all I did was heer dem sing cuz didn't nobody talk throo any of the whole damn movie! Ats a damn opera! Ah fuck I cant lie, I luvved the whole thang, tho I hadda stay in the movie all day and watch different parts cuz I kep passin out an wandrin round blowin random dudes.
Oh law dis wun hit me pritty hard. So much so I reely jess finished a secrit drug binge fur the lass few munfs, but didn't nobody harlee notiss. Heh. I'm a funkshunal whatchamakallit. RIP Whitney sweet torchure sole. Even do yew plajerize the nashunal anfem an died all embarassin like Elvis, we still gone member ya fondlee. HashtagRIP. #Sadface
I NO I BEEN A LIDDLE BEHINE PUTTIN MY CLOSE CAPSHUNS ON HERE BUT YALL JESS HOLD TITE IM ONLY WUN GODDAMN PERSON TRYNA GIT FAMUSS ON HERE! YEW NO WHUT KINDA PRESSURE IM UNNER TO SECEDE! ANYWAY, WUN YALL CONVERT WHAT THIS HEFFER SED ON ME AT THE END HERE THANKY!
I thank since there seperashun a church an state an states run skools then that meens no prayer in skools! DUH, DUMBASSES! Pray on yur own time, yew spose to be there to lern, yew got Sunday skool fur bible stuff, ain that anuff? I mean Jesus!!!
Up From The Grave He A-Rose, or so goze the story. Iont kno. Aint like there any ackshull proof uv any of it, but I digess...So happy burfday Jesus, Thanky fur yur sinz an all that hangin on the cross yew did fur us heeverns. What do Jews cellerbrate fur easter?
Now, I likes spandex. I likes wurkin up a swet, but I dont like Yoga folk, they all hippy and smellin like eggs that been leff out in the sun. My faggit buddy stephon lernt how to suk his own dik from dem Yogis, but what I needa lern how ta stretch far, I keep it flexible in the fuck departmint, so I thank I got it covert.