This is my theery bout whys strate mens hates the queer mens. Ya'll homafobagul. Ur wives r stoopid fer not knowin theys marryin a faggit. Servs em rite, i hates stoop biches.
Chrystal finds herself on a desperate search for birth control as Cletus returns from another tour of duty on the rodeo clown circuit. Meanwhile, Prudence finds difficulty in adjusting to trailer park life as she receives another unexpected visitor.
This heres anuther commentarie ov political contravershul ov the Gay Marrages. Help me wit this cuz im confuse bout why gays wanna marrys each uther. Ima be singul forever, hell yes. But if they wanna be misrable like strate folks, I say let em!
Chrystal's visit to Tapioca's plastic surgeon doesn't go as smooth as planned. Meanwhile, Mamaw arrives at Mary Lou's trailer with Tapioca, who is finally making good on her promise to keep the place tidy. Their discovery within throws a wrench into their party plans.
Ya'll seen that saga movee 'Twilite?' Can wun of ya'lls get me back them two howrs of my life? Shit, that ain't no good vampur movee. I says them Dark Shadders is better, I wants to stab that Bella bich in the ear.
After passing out at the doctor's office, Chrystal awakes to an unsettling medical diagnosis. Mamaw reluctantly helps Tapioca cover up the consequence of a late night rendezvous that threatens to spoil their party plans.
Ya'll herd bout this dumass flite tendent frum Jet Blues? I wish Ida been on that thar plane, Ida showed this nelly cracker how yous really sposed to quit yer job. He prolly tried ta get up on that Mile High club with sum big ass mofo an got his queer ass beet!
Mamaw and Tapioca return from gathering party supplies and are confronted by their inebriated trailer park manager, Loretta Jenkins. Meanwhile, as Chrystal and the kids wait at the airport, the mysterious stranger posing as Mary Lou prepares to pull the wool over everyone's eyes.
So I wuz awachin that thar show Horders, ya'll seens that? I thank they needs to git thet Anjerleenuh Jo Lee on that show cuz she hordin youngins. I like to git her an thet John an Kate bich an thet Brady Bunch bich an them Dugger igits an calls the law on em. May be I'll git sum cummishun frum Kathee Lee when the swetshop cums to pik em up.
Chrystal's son, Waylon, grows suspicious of Guadalupe, who is passing herself off as his mother's best friend, Mary Lou. Meanwhile, Mamaw comforts Tapioca, upset over Chrystal's pregnancy and her inability to conceive a child. Tapioca takes her frustrations out on Loretta.
Now, thaint nothin real bout this realitty show. I dids me some reserch and its time sumwun let this fuckin cat out the bag! Amercan Idol is sum bullshit! How dumm you sunsabitches need to be that thanks this fake ass show is the real deel? You prolly stoop as them dum tone def fuckers that they makes fun uv fur shitty awdishuns!
The trailer park residents are shocked when Chrystal brings home the Extreme Makeover version of their beloved Mary Lou in the form of hot tamale, Guadalupe. Will she be discovered as an imposter or is everyone already too drunk to notice?
Now hears sum sik shits, yall. I wont you to member this HISI next time you go to tha Starbuks. My drankin buddy Shooter sez thet cawfee tase like shit, well Ima guessin he gots hold of summa this javva.
Chrystal's surprise birthday party is in full swing as Guadalupe successfully (at least for now) dupes everyone into believing she is the real Mary Lou, with the exception of a suspicious Loretta. After accidentally snacking on a plate Mamaw's special treats, the girls recall a time capsule they buried back in high school.
Ya'll Ima bout famuss. I gots three new ledders in my malebox! This ones bout sum skiny bich over Texarkana way. Yall bullees ovr thar best to wach out. i ainta fraid ta ride to yur town and fuk yur fases up iffin you pik on wun uv my drankin buddees agin!
Tapioca blackmails Chrystal's eldest, Patsy, into being their designated driver in a quest to recover the gals' high school time capsule, setting off a night of misadventures none of them will soon forget.
Yootaw iz got to be a fuckin land a make-baleev! Marmuns is sum crazy ass wayward sheeps. How can yu live without alkeehol and ciggerets? Thets bordarline unaMerican. Ima send this kult sum Koolade after I lissens to me sum Donny Marie. Theys my Marmun uxsepshun.
In the first part of our season finale, Chrystal deals with the depression regarding her impending pregnancy, Prudence returns from jail and Mamaw learns of a bet Tapioca has made with Loretta involving their upcoming bowling match.
Hey drankin buddeez, thits my furst ever bownus vidya! Knuckle knocks all around. Yall knowz I getz free beer fur these? I gots for wurds far ya, "Betty Ford wuz week." Why we all gotta suffar for wun bich cayunt hole her likker?!?
In the conclusion of our finale, Tapioca and "Mary Lou"/Guadalupe comfort Chrystal at the hospital while she awaits news on Cletus' hernia surgery. Mamaw is forced to enlist Prudence's help following an accident at the hospital. Loretta makes good on her threat to repossess everyone's air conditioners.
This overprivlige bich thank she so hawt. I relly cant stan this stoop bich. Aint she gotta even uglyer twin er sumthin? Ennyway tos this bich inna slammer with thet Linsee en let these dumasses kill each uther. Ima only stay inna HoJo frum now on. They prolly got beds bugs. Yall I gotta joke. If you getta blowjob frum Paris iz it calld Hiltonhed? HEh! heh. Jesus take this lamm home, aymen.
Episode 1 (Pilot of Is It Me?) web series
I figger its time fur a holurday speshul so i pick Hallerween cuz its Oktoberfest time. i foun out layter thet theeres no sucha thang as caneed zanex. its a spooky edishun uv my show but i wuz drugged up by Fedex. Can i soo fur thet?
RIP bloo smurf thangy
Alana goes out on a date with someone she met on the Internet that is interrupted because of Twitter.
Yall knows how in middle of the munths I run outta munny? Well hears whut happen last munth. Oh an yall tells me if wun uv yuns knows a Jamie from thet collige over thar. I seems to be missin my good drawers. I need thems back, they gots my Burt Rennolds signachur on em.
Olivia's date is interrupted by her friends.
I aint havin a lotta luck this yeer when goin to the moovees. Ets why I just downlode shit illegal off the internets. Whys I gotta pay iffin I don't like the moovee, answer thet! If it sucks, thets same as robbin me uv tikkit price, beer ta make it thru all three hours en gas ta git over thar. Wunner if I ken soo thet Hary Potter writer womun, she gots plenny a munny. Maybee Ill putta spell on her.
To help Brandon get over Olivia, Julian sets him up on a double date. Although cute, these girls have their own way of communicating.
Im sicka boolleez yall. Folks pickin on the week an homo an ennything differnt. Sumwuns gotta takes a stans to theez boolleez.Yall queers needs to ban tagether with yur gay frenlies an fites back!
While Brandon, Alana and Julian shoot hoops, Nick is M.I.A (missing in action).
I knows yall thanks I would be a grinch come Crissmus time, but reely, you can be as drunk as you wunt durrin the Holurdays an nowun bats an eye. They simpathatize. An I likes Crissmus musik cuz theys the only songs I can member tha leeriks to. Oh an Happee Hawnikuh to my Jewiss drankin buddees out thar!
Is surprised with something special and a new search begins for Melanie.
Ya knows we gots ar fare share uv ijits runnin this cuntry and ever so offen we gets lucky and wun uv em looses. Dis dum Delware gal dun put the stoop in stoopid.
Alana wonders is it her, Nick has a surprise for his lady, and Xavier spoils Olivia.
Yall knows Im not reel fonda food but thet don meen I cayunt judge uthers far whut they eet. Ets my Chrishun rite. These flowery skiny-hippied dum sumbich vegums is juss vegetarians thet wunts more atenshun. Try en not pay em any mind evin if they do all smells like armpits en pine trees.
Melanie finally meets up with the girls and Julian learns a nasty surprise about his new lady.
Kristen makes Clay a promise; their friends try to help.
Shit I cunnit make it out to the shed far taday's Hisi. But I gotta queshern for yall, how cums we thanks we gots to have frens thatar cumpleet dummasses. Life aint no popalarity contess. If a fren or a bird or sumthin cum to you en you letter go and she dont cum back, well she wunnit yers to baginn with. Nuff sed.
Brandon introduces his new lady, Olivia? and Xavier and Olivia are having a situation.
Kristen hears first an unwelcome message, then an intriguing story.
Yall I been thru a ringer when comes to livin sitchee-ashuns. Good thang they aint never foun thet body. I aint goin beck in the clank. You hears me? Jess if I lets you stays with me fur a nite or weeken, dont wake me up for noon, less you wanna eyefulla led pellets.
Luv is a lie. Im sicka boolshit holurdays ets juss about cards an candy and reely its juss abouts stoop women puttin out far men an men jess wantin one thing. Next time sumwun breaks up with me I get to brake a kneecap. Ets juss fare.
Everyone has a special surprise for their partners.
Kristen accepts a gift; Kristen and Clay improvise.
Obviusly ever holerday is far drankin, speshally if you got kinfolk aroun naggin ya an tearin ya down ta where ya wanna stab em in there trakeah. At lease there a holerday out thar that sellabrate this feelin. Yall herd a thet Irishh gal Erin GoBra? She aint got nuthin on Loretta GoBra-les!!
After visiting the fertility clinic, Clay looks for inspiration.
Sense sumuvus aint yet got the bad taste uv Hot Shots Part Doo out uv our mouths still, lass thing we need is ol Charlee Sheen thankin he all that en a bag a shit. Yall tell me if yu thank Charlee is 'Winning!' ar 'Whining!' An if yu say Winning, well you a dum sumbich is all.
Feeling the stress, Kristen convinces Clay to take a chance.
Peeples say thet reeality shows is the downfall uv sussiety. Well they parently aint never seen thet soap opper, Jersee Shores! But I gots a cunnundrum, cant figger out if I wanna drank wit thet bitch Snewkie ar puncher in the face. Hell, maybe I'll do both!
(Guest Starring: Kellye Mitchell as 'Chrystal Bovene/Snooki')
Yalls, we gots collecters en we gots nit pickers, uh, naw thet aint rite, uhhh 'pack ratters,' ets the wurd! Buts if yews got newspapers frum tha 80s stack up to yur ceelin, then yews prolly a horder. Sen me yur address sose i can lite yur house on far. Dont worry, ill wate til yew leeve furss.